Page 63 of Spark
“She thinks throwing money at people makes up for not being present,” I argue. My shoulders slump as the realization of what I become pummels me. “I don’t want to be like that.”
Silence settles over us like fog over the Golden Gate Bridge. And when I think I can’t stand the sound of my racing thoughts belittling and berating me any longer, Aileene finally speaks.
“You will never be like MomorDad, Finlay. They tried in their own way, but… Who came to every one of my dance recitals and horse shows? You even talked your high school principal into excusing you so you could attend my middle school science fairs. You were with Cam when Olive was born and stayed with him for months to help.” The corner of her mouth tips up. “You’re present in a way our parents aren’t. You do the same thing with everyone at this company. How many weddings and graduations have you attended?”
I shrug. If someone cares enough to invite me to an important event in their life or the lives of their family, of course I’m going to attend.
“And, you were present for Mateo. My god, you basically moved him in after only dating for a short time. Most people wouldn’t think of doing such a thing.”
"And then I screwed it up by pulling a Mom." I kick at the floor with the tip of my shoe, ignoring how whiny I sound.
Head cocked to the side, Aileene’s ponytail swings over her shoulder. “Fix it.”
White spots flash behind my eyelids as I rub them with the heels of my hands. “I don’t think I can. I crossed a line.”
“Well, if you change your mind and need help, let me know.” Phone in hand, typing, Aileene rises.
Used to my sister’s abrupt changes, I round the table to where I’d been seated for our earlier meeting. “What are you up to now?”
"I have to touch base with Cam, and then I'll be in the lab." Pausing at the door, she looks up from her phone. "What do you think about making the large lab into two? My team has mentioned that it might be easier when working on different projects."
I pick up my tablet and follow her out the door. "Give me an estimate, and we'll take a look." Before we part, I ask the question that’s been bothering me. "Do you think what's happened between Mateo and me will affect Cam's friendship with him?"
“I imagine it will in some way.” She pats my cheek. “Cam and Mateo are close, but you’re Cam’s brother. He will always have your back. We both will.”
I chew on the corner of my lip. Worry over Mateo’s wellbeing hovers over everything I do. “Will you ask Cam to check on Mateo? Make sure he’s okay since going back to work?”
“I will.” She gives me a down-trodden smile and heads toward the elevator, the carpeting absorbing the click of her nude flats.
As appreciative as I am to have the relationship I do with my siblings, concern batters me about messing up my brother's friendship. Worse yet, I worry Mateo will pull away from his friends when he needs them most because of me. And that’s something I can’t let happen, no matter how miserable I am without him.
Chapter Eighteen
Mateo
Thebuzzofthetattoo gun accompanies the scratching sensations depositing ink into my hip, guided by my sister’s talented hand. Black lines form the shadows and dimensions of the sleek, detailed dragon. The tiny fire-breather joins its slightly shaky, less defined brother, which was the first tattoo my sister ever did.
"Looks great, Sofia."
"My skills have definitely improved." She smiles and sets the gun down. Making the dragons mirror each other had been her idea. With the lines she added around and between the two, the dragon appears to be gazing at its reflection, but which image is its true self and which is the illusion? She’s brilliant. "All done. Just sit there for a bit. I’ll get you a drink."
When she rises, I roll my shoulders and then lay my head on the chair’s headrest once more. My body is sore from yesterday’s rugby game, a labor-intensive week at the job site, three straight nights of bouncing at the club, and I’m feeling a little lightheaded from the ninety minutes I’ve spent in this chair.
From the other room, my niece and nephew’s voices carry, shrieking with laughter over a board game they’re playing with Eve. I’ve spent a lot of time with them over the last month. The kids have been a great distraction during my post-breakup blues and I’m so grateful that I’ve had them and Eve and Sofia to lean on.
Sofia returns with two bottles of juice. "Cranberry or apple?"
"Cranberry."
"Here. Rehydrate. So, let’s chat." She hands me a bottle then settles onto her stool. "This isn’t quite the celebratory drink I’d expected us to share over Charlie quitting the renovation business to take up monster truck racing, but it will have to do."
"It’s great." I tap my bottle against hers with a clink. "Here’s to not having to worry about risking injury when he’s on site with us anymore."
"Cheers." Sofia takes a sip then sets her bottle aside. After donning her gloves, she covers the tattoo in a thin layer of petroleum jelly and a bandage. "It’s been forever since your first and only tattoo, so if you have any questions about aftercare, call me."
I glance at the paper containing the aftercare instructions she placed next to my phone and keys. "Will do."
She taps my thigh with the back of her hand. "I forgot to tell you, one of your rugby buddies came in yesterday afternoon to set up an appointment."
