Page 5 of The Baby Clause
“Because according to this, he’s your son, that’s why!”
When I’d first arrived, I couldn’t quite figure out what kind of animal his onesie was, but now it was clear he was wearing a fluffy squirrel suit. If I didn’t know he was a fox, I would have sworn he was standing there in his animal form.
“There is no way that kit is mine.”
He took a step back from me, obviously now, feeling a need to distance himself from the pup.
“Well, according to this, you are.” I was starting to get annoyed with him. I could see how finding out you were a father so suddenly would be more than a little disconcerting, but ignoring the evidence when I held it in my arms was a little much.
“Well, I’m not. It’s completely impossible… it’s not mine. Just, you take it with you. This has to be a mistake… it has to be another Jerry Bucannon, who’s the real father.”
“Jerry, he has your eyes. Are you seriously going to stand there and deny that this is your child?” I wasn’t expecting him to say one word with so much conviction, but he did.
“YES!”
Placing the pup back in his basket, I examined the certificate, closely looking for signs that it was a fake. FYI it wasn’t. It had the registrar’s mark and departmental seal; the baby’s name was blank, but Jerry’s was there in bold black ink.
“Jerry…” This was getting nowhere fast. He knew more than he was telling me.
“I’m not lying, Mason; I’m telling you, there is no way that kit is mine.”
“How, how do you know that for sure? He could be the result of a one-night stand…”Okay, I felt a bit of a dick for pointing that out, but he had to realize it was a possibility-right?
“Not unless you believe in the immaculate conception…” Jerry all but mumbled.
“What? Care to explain?” If it was one thing that drove me nuts and not in a good way, it was people not owning up to their responsibilities. He coughed nervously and hopped from one furry booted foot to another.
“I don’t top.”
He wouldn’t meet my gaze, instead he seemed to find the floor fascinating. HOLD FOR ONE SEC. He said what!?! He didn’t top.
O-kay, that was… that was not what I was expecting him to say… I was thinking he’d say something like he was more careful than that, or that he’d taken a vow of celibacy. Now I was mentally playing out all the positions I’d put him in while I fucked him into unconsciousness. If I couldn’t get the idea of getting him naked out of my head. Just what was he wearing under that suit?
A whining noise came from the pup, pulling me back to the matter at hand. Technically, the Law couldn’t take away someone’s kid unless deemed that the kid was in danger-which he wasn’t. Saying that, looking at Jerry’s terrified expression, it was the other way around. Still, it didn’t solve the mystery of how the pup got here or who had left him here, and how did Jerry fit into all of this?
Jerry
“So… umm, will you be able to find him a suitable home?”
I didn’t want the kit to be homeless, but at the same time I didn’t want him in the same room as me, let alone the same building or… town.
“Jerry, I know you’ve said that there’s no way that the kids yours. But the Law isn’t here for you to re-gift your legal pup because you say that it’s not yours.”
What? What? No, no, no. That very much implied that I was going to be stuck with him. Fuck, this couldn’t be happening.
“But… but, look at me! Do I look in any way like I know how to take care of a baby? I haven’t the first clue. Look around Sheriff, do you see any baby care stuff here? There is no way I’m even remotely equipped to take him, even if I wanted to… which I don’t.”
“How do you know you don’t want him? Have you tried holding him?”
That did it. Alarms were now going off in my head, loud ones… screaming for me to run. Just head for the door, shift and take off into the woods. Foxes were scavengers, not hunters, but I’d find something to eat, somewhere to hole up till this all blew over. As if reading my mind, Mason moved closer to me, effectively boxing me in. I tried again to explain my way of thinking.
“Did you not see how he was pulling my finger off when you arrived? Why would I pick it up when even touching it was dangerous?”
“It’s’ not an IT, it’s a HE and what if I show you how to hold him?”
Ohhh, this was bad, really bad. I didn’t like this idea one bit. I’d rather touch a mongoose.
“I’m not sure that’s a good idea. What if I do it wrong?”Way to go Jerry, that was such a convincing argument-NOT.
