Page 91 of Caged
Sigma
“What the fuck was that?” X seethes after the Ritual of Sacrifice is finished. Blood runs from three open slits – throat and both wrists – then pools onto the recently bleached clean floor.
“Bad combination of pills,” I say dismissively.
“Go fucking get her and bring her down here now. We sacrifice her tonight,” he spits, stepping into my space. I know I’m in no position to talk back, but if he advances one more fucking inch, I’m going to throttle him right into the still-burning statue of Moloch. The circular window on the ceiling of the Sacrifice Room has been tilted open to let the putrid smell of charred blood escape into the night sky. The moon is hidden behind the clouds of incoming weather, but it presides over us nonetheless.
“We’ve already discussed this matter. Next month,” I state, trying my damnedest to rein in my emotions since my problematicfeelingsare what got me into this fucking mess with Monroe in the first place.
“She’s unstable and unpredictable. She needs to be offered tonight. What difference does thirty days make to you?”
I can’t answer his question because truthfully, I don’t know. Logically, he’s right. Tonight or thirty days from now makes no difference. The end result is the same. I’ve already made my peace with this outcome, but for some stupid, infuriating reason, I can’t find it within myself to let her go. In the back of my mind is the knowledge that I hit her tonight. I hit her, drugged her, then had Harrison stuff her inside that cage while I screamed her damnation. Part of me can justify my actions, knowing that frankly, she deserved worse. Her betrayal gouged an irreparable hole in my heart and almost cost me everything. How could she do that to me? But part of me doesn’t know who that person was upstairs. The more I wear this mask, the more I’ve become the mask, and I don’t think I can switch it off anymore.
They’ve backed me into a corner with Monroe. Embracing my abhorrence like I did tonight, hating her to the point of wanting her dead, is the only way I can let her go. A sliver of my soul remains, but goddamn do I wish it didn’t.
“Notyet,” I say with finality.
“Hear me when I say this, I can break you. I can break your entire family. The deal I made for your insolent father can be gone by morning.”
“Pull the fucking deal, I dare you,” I snap back. “Trust me when I say that if I go down, I’ll sink the entire fucking ship. You, me, my father… I don’t give a shit. You think I give a fuck what happens to my family? I’ve already told you, I don’t even give a fuck about myself. But just know,X, that if you pull our deal, that beautiful blonde girl upstairs in my room right now, waitingfor me with her legs spread wide, will be gone by morning, too. I know what you want. I know you’re pissed I didn’t let you have her, but she’s my… fucking… bitch. You got that? I’m the one who fucks her, and I’m the one who will spill her blood. She’s my offering, and you should be licking my boots with gratitude that I let you even be in the same fucking room as me when I slit her throat. I know that shit gets you off, you sick fuck. So, if you want to stroke your cock to the image of my bitch getting sacrificed, then you’ll back the fuck off. Next month. Not any sooner.”
X glares at me, roiling with fury. I overstepped, and I know it, but I owe this man nothing. I owe my father nothing.
Thirty days from now, when I watch Monroe take her last breath, I’ll owe Sigma nothing, too. I’ll have given them everything. I’ve given this fucking fraternity my soul. I’ll have nothing more to offer at that point, because there will be nothing left inside me save for an outline of my once beating heart.
41
MONROE
Five Months Prior to Present Day,
Night of the April Full Moon Ceremony,
Junior Year,
Sigma
Icower in the corner of a familiar home, hidden from sight.
“I’m done, Jeanine,” a male voice shouts. “I can’t take it anymore. I can’t take your manipulation!”
“How convenient for you,” my mom shouts back, “to decide you don’t want to be a father anymore. So, what? You’re just going to leave me? You’re going to leave me with a kid? With nothing?”
The man’s silhouette is hazy in the door and then gone.
I hear my mother’s garbled sobs.
Angry footsteps get louder.
“This is all your fault!” my mom screams into my face, yanking me up by the arm. “If you had been better behaved, your dad wouldn’t have left me!”
I’m dragged through a hallway and shoved inside a room.
“Go to your room, you ungrateful child. You don’t come out until I say you can come out.”
I see myself shouting for my mother to come back. I see myself trying to open the door, but it’s locked. I see myself climb into bed, pull the covers up, and cry myself to sleep.
“Do a good job brushing your hair, Monroe. I need you to look perfect.”
