But we both know there is no other way.
Savely Koval won't for a second believe the Vetrovs have me and want to trade me, and no one on earth would believe Artemy Morozov would trade his own blood.
I have to do this on my own.
"I understand," I tell him.
"I'll be fine."
He reaches over and grabs my jaw, forcing me to look at him.
"You come back to me. Say it."
"I will come back to you," I tell him, but my bottom lip trembles a little when I speak the words.
His hand cups my face and squeezes and I have the sudden urge to tell him I love him.
To blurt it all out in case I never get the chance, but if I do that and I die, it will crush him that we never got the chance to be together.
He releases me and leans back in his seat.
"Go."
I open the door and walk out into the cold afternoon.
The wind hits me immediately, carrying the smell of snow.
I close the door behind me and start walking toward the center of the spur.
My nerves are shot.
This feels paralyzing but here I am pressing on and trying to hang on to a thread of hope that this is the end.
That after this I can find some safe place where violence can't touch me.
My footsteps slap on the asphalt, and I can feel eyes on me from both tree lines.
There is an entire army of men waiting on either side of me, ready to spring to action at a moment's notice.
All of them have zero obligation to me except Dimitri.
Artemy could deny my existence and move on with his life as if I never showed up, and Dimitri's family wouldn't have to cough up twenty percent of their profits anymore.
But they're here ready to fight for me.
It's a bold move, and I can't let them all down.
Three armored vans appear in the distance, moving slowly down the access road.
They're dark gray, heavily modified, their windows tinted black.
The vans slow to a stop at the far edge of the spur, approximately two hundred meters from where I stand.
The doors open, and men begin to emerge. Radich soldiers.
I count twelve of them, maybe more.
They spread out in a loose formation, their weapons visible, their posture tense.