Page 40 of Wildflower and Whiskey
She tried to make it sound light, but her voice cracked in the middle.
I set the crumble down, suddenly glad I’d brought it. “Sounds like it went well.”
“For him, yeah, come in,” she said and I kicked off my boots and followed her inside. She sank onto the futon, hugging a pillow. “For me? I felt like I was abandoning him. I sat in the car for fifteen minutes, trying to convince myself not to run back inside.”
I dropped into the chair across from her. “From what I read last night, that’s normal.”
Her eyes flicked up. “You… read about daycare?”
I nodded, rubbing the back of my neck. “I looked up what moms go through with the first drop-off. Every article said the kid usually adjusts faster than the mom. That it feels like you’re tearing yourself in half, even though you know it’s the right call.”
She stared at me, stunned. “You read about it.”
“Figured if I was going to show up, I should try not to be an idiot about what you’re actually feeling.”
Her hand slid across the cushion until her fingertips brushed mine. “I don’t know what to do with you when you’re like this,” she whispered.
“Get used to it.” My throat was tight. “Because I can’t stop thinking about you.”
She went still. “Why now, Phoenix? Why after all this time?”
I leaned forward, elbows on my knees. “Back in high school, I wanted you. You knew it and I knew it,” I started.
Her laugh was sharp, brittle. “You hated me.”
“That’s not exactly true,” I retorted, feeling on edge.
“Come on, Phoenix, after my mom died, I turned into a cruel bitch. I shut off my feelings and wanted to hate the world.”
“You were sad. She was a good mom. I remember her,” I admitted, feeling like I had a pit settle in the middle of mystomach. I didn’t like to dredge up the past but, in our case, I knew it would be a thorn in our behinds if I didn’t.
A lone tear slid down her cheek. “I remember what I did to you. It was so mean,” she confessed.
“You were hurting, Elyna. Anyone could see it and you had a lot to shoulder. School was the one place you could just be a kid,” I said to her because I had given this thought too.
“You’re being too kind to me.” She swiped at the tear.
“Everyone deserves kindness,” I admitted.
“Not from you I don’t,” she said. Her words hurt me because of how broken they sounded.
“You do too,” I said.
“I didn’t mean it,” she blurted. “What I said to you that day. I liked you, Phoenix, but I felt like you were too good for me. I felt like you could see through me, and I didn’t like it. After I said what I did, I hated myself even more for hurting you. None of it made sense to me, but I’ve lived with that guilt.”
“You don’t need to. Trust me, I turned out fine. My ego may have been hurt that day, but I got over it,” I assured.
She let out a strangled laugh. “I’m sure. Look at you. You’re better looking now than you were back then, and I didn’t think that was possible. I watch the ladies reacting to you at the restaurant. I imagine you haven’t had a hard time in that department.”
I gave her a bashful smile. She wasn’t wrong. I’d had my share of female attention but now I wanted something else. I wanted her.
“Right back at you, Elyna. You’re prettier now than you were in high school.”
This time her laugh came out garbled like she didn’t believe. “Now you’re just trying to butter me up.”
“No, I don’t feel the need to do that. I’m being honest. You’ve aged well.”
“You mean all my curves and larger. . .” She looked down at her chest.
