Page 93 of The Bonventi War
Actually, maybe the only thing I find crazy—yet I seem to want more than I realize—is Gio's talk about putting a baby in me while he's fucking me against kitchen counters.
Babies.
My heart races at the thought. I haven't been taking my pill since he made me throw them away, yet I haven't insisted on protection either. I sometimes feel reckless, caught up in the heat of Gio's intensity, the way he looks at me like I'm everything he's ever wanted.
Part thrill, part terror. I'm not ready to be a mother. Am I? And while Gio seems so certain now, what happens when the novelty wears off? When I'm no longer the mysterious woman connected to his brother's shooter?
Men leave. Men aren't always there. My father proved that over and over.
I stare out the window, watching a bird fly past. Maybe I should be a little smarter about this. Get to the pharmacy and refill my prescription. Just to have options. Just so I'm not carried away completely by this current that is Giovanni Bonventi.
Even as I think it, I know it's probably too late. We've had so much unprotected sex in the last few days alone. My period is due soon. If I'm going to get pregnant, I probably already am.
I just lose all control when he touches me. No one has ever worshipped me the way Gio does. Made me feel both protected and desired. Safe and dangerous all at once.
I climb out of bed and catch my reflection in the floor-length mirror. Dark hair a mess, lips still swollen from his kisses, tiny bruises across my collarbone and inner thighs—marks of his possession.
I look like I've been put through the wringer, but damn, do I feel alive. More myself than I've ever been.
Am I insane, though? Has trauma warped my judgment? Or is this who I've always been beneath the carefully orchestrated surface—someone who craves the edge, the intensity, the raw honesty of a man who makes no apologies for what he is?
I'm so lost in thought I don't hear him until he speaks.
"What's on your mind?"
I turn to find Gio leaning against the doorframe, wearing nothing but low-hanging sweatpants. His muscled chest is covered in tattoos, his dark hair still damp from a shower. His green eyes miss nothing, tracking over my face, reading my thoughts as easily as if they were written on my skin.
I look at Gio. "Oh, nothing. I just... hey, do you mind if I borrow a car? Head downtown for a bit today?"
Gio crosses his arms, his muscles flexing with the movement. "For what?"
I hesitate for a moment, trying to think of something, but my mind won't let me lie to the man I love. "To go to the pharmacy."
Shit. It just came out. I couldn't even stop it.
Gio's jaw tightens, his eyes darkening as he stares at me. "Tell me you're not about to go and try to fix something that isn't broken."
My heart pounds against my ribs. The intensity of his gaze makes my skin flush hot and cold at once. I feel like he sees right through me.
"It's just... no. I, umm," I sigh, rubbing my forehead. "Okay, look. I love you. I do. I don't want to go anywhere. And yeah, sure, you talking about babies is nice, and if I remove the scared part, it sounds perfect—to give you children and raise a family."
"The scared part?" Gio asks, taking a step closer.
I wrap my arms around myself, suddenly feeling cold despite the warm morning air drifting through the windows. "Yeah, you know, actually having them. Being a mom. And," I hesitate, the words not wanting to come out, "I don't have good male role models in my life. Once the novelty of me wears off, and I'm not some new shiny object, everything I've seen from said shit role models tells me you'll leave."
The moment the words leave my mouth, I regret them. Not because they aren't true—they are—but because of the way Gio's face changes.
Gio uncrosses his arms and approaches me. He stops just inches from me, close enough that I can smell the soap scent on his skin.
"You let me in, Raven," he says, his voice low and rough. "So stop pretending like you don't fucking belong to me forever."
I smile despite myself, the warmth of his words washing over me. "Yeah, but?—"
Gio interrupts me, cupping my face in his large hands. His thumbs brush over my cheekbones.
"You're mine and I'm yours," he says firmly. "You're my future. And if I put my child in you, then that's exactly where it's meant to be. The only way we part is in death."
I take in what he says, seeing the seriousness in his eyes. The absolute conviction that's there. This man has done so much for me in every possible way. And yet, a small part of me is still unsure. Still afraid to believe that something this intense, this all-consuming, could be permanent.
