Page 20 of Revere
Once I’m settled in my seat, I dare to glance at Professor Gray again. He’s rubbing his fingers over the stubble on his face. It’s the perfect length. Scratchy and rough but not unkempt. It adds depth to the angles on his jaw and draws out the color in his deep green eyes. He’s not the first attractive professor I’ve had, but heputs the rest to shame. One look and my blood boils for all the wrong reasons.
When Sophia finally leaves her post at Professor Gray’s desk and he stands, I break my stare and quickly turn my attention to Violet. “What did you decide your focus is going to be this summer?”
After the initial assignment Professor Gray gave us last week, he assigned us a research paper that we’ll turn in the final week. It’s meant to be a deep dive into a segment of criminal psychology that interests us.
“I think I’m going to stick with criminal motives.” Violet bites her lower lip, tapping her pen on the desk. “That’s what got me into this program. But I’ll probably narrow it down to crimes against women and how childhood trauma from parental figures factors in. What about you?”
“I’m still narrowing it down, but I think I’m going to take a sociological approach. Looking at how group and social dynamics influence criminal behavior.”
“We have a bit of a psychological versus sociological thing going on.” Violet pauses her tapping.
“I guess we do.”
“We should compare notes when we’re done. Maybe summarize it at the end. It might give us a leg up.”
“I’d love that.” I smile, and it’s genuine.
Violet’s blue eyes practically sparkle with excitement in return, and it reminds me of why we became friends when she moved into the dorm room. She’s the only other person I know who gets a thrill studying criminals and serial killers. It’s nice considering most people find it disturbing to discuss murder and dismemberment.
The stress in my shoulders loosens as Violet turns back to her laptop. Maybe this is exactly what I needed. A summer away to study things that excite me. Space to exercise my mind withoutthe pressures of my parents’ judgment weighing over me. A city mostly free from the influence of Sigma Sin.
I just wish that a summer chasing my dreams didn’t take me so far away from my brother. I can only imagine what’s happening to him now that he’s back at Sigma House. Or worse, what they might have him doing. I’m well aware of the blood my brother has spilled in the name of his fraternity. It’s one of the things that drew me to criminal psychology in the first place.
Pulling out my phone, I reread the text Mila sent me last night. She finally reported in from a Sigma House party to let me know Alex seems okay. He hid his face in the picture she took, but at least it was proof of life.
“Let’s get started.” Professor Gray circles his desk.
His shoulders push against the fabric of his dress shirt, and it’s downright annoying because I can’t even look at him.
At least the lecture distracts me. Professor Gray begins a presentation on female serial killers, but it quickly turns into an open discussion on Ingrid Withers, a notorious serial killer he helped catch last year. She was known for castrating her victims before killing them.
“It’s fucked up.” A student in the front row cringes. “Isn’t killing him enough? Why’d she take out her issues on his manhood?”
“She was sexually abused as a child,” Professor Gray reminds him.
“Not by her victims.”
“No, but they represented the harm that had been done to her. She punished her victims in the way she couldn’t punish her own abusers.”
“There’s therapy for that.”
A few students laugh, and my fingers clench. “Crime triggered by sexual trauma isn’t surprising or new. You’re justshocked because it’s a woman releasing her aggressions on a man and not the other way around.”
Professor Gray’s eyes snap to mine, and I sink back in my seat. But then he waves a hand, urging me on. “Please. Continue.”
I swallow hard, steadying my breath as I look at the student in the front row. “If a man sexually mutilated female victims because he was abused by his mother as a child, would you tell him:There’s therapy for that? Or would you consider the impact and how that shaped him both psychologically and emotionally, taking that into account when determining his motive?”
“You’re defending Ingrid for chopping off dicks?”
“Of course not.” I scoff. “We aren’t here to defend. We’re here to understand. It’s not uncommon for sexual trauma to be a part of their reasoning. Whether it be assault, overstimulation, obsessive fetishization, performance issues… actually, Ingrid’s ties to that quite well.”
“You’re drawing a parallel between Ingrid castrating her victims and men who resorted to violent crimes after experiencing impotence?” Professor Gray cuts in, and I appreciate that he followed my somewhat sharp turn of thought.
“Yes.” My body tenses when I realize the entire class is staring at me. “Ingrid was angry that she couldn’t find pleasure during intercourse because it brought back memories of what happened to her as a child. The only way she could experience release was when she castrated a man because it gave her control. It’s not that different from the case of Harold Tetree, for example. He couldn’t find release sexually and thus acted it out through forcible penetration with various objects before killing his victims. It’s rarely about just sex.”
“What is it about then?” Professor Gray challenges me.
“Power.” I swallow hard, and my skin prickles beneath his attention.
