Page 42 of Protecting the Boundary
Addy, however, isn’t so quick to let it go. She leans forward and whispers, “How are you not enraged that he moved on so fast and gotengaged?”
I shrug. “Because I haven’t felt anything for him for a long time, and the longer we’re apart the more I can see that we were never the right fit to begin with. Good for him for finding someone he wants to spend the rest of his life with. Honestly, I’m glad he didn’t think it was me because I might’ve actually said yes, and that would’ve been terrible.”
“You really think you would’ve said yes to him?”
The waitress drops off our sandwiches,and Addy takes a bite as I try to think of how to answer her question. “I probably would’ve. I don’t think I would’ve gone through with it, but this last year has been so weird for me. I felt apathetic toward everything, including my relationship with Cam.”
She looks at me more closely. “You do seem more…animated than you’ve been the last few months. I’m sorry. I should’ve checked on you sooner. I figured you were just dealing with the same senior stress as the rest of us.”
“I was, but I think it just hit me differently. I spent so long just going through the motions—doing the next level of school because that’s what I was supposed to do. I don’t know. Maybe I was having a quarter-life crisis or something.”
“You seem more yourself, or maybe that’s not quite the right word because honestly you seem more sure of yourself than I ever remember you being.”
I smile softly. “Yeah, maybe I am. Nannying has been good for me. Nannying Kay at least. I don’t know if I’d feel this way if I’d nannied for anyone else, but she’s such a happy and smart kid.”
“Do you think you’ll ever go back to school for PT?”
“I think so. I’m still glad I took a break, but I’ve been thinking about it more and more. Right now, I’m just kind of going with the flow and that’s working for me. We’ll see what happens.”
It feels good to admit that I like where my life is right now. I don’t love the turmoil I’ve felt about Romel, but I am overall happy with the choice I made to take a break before deciding whether I’d pursue my PT degree or not.
Maybe my life hasn’t gone how I thought it would, but I’m starting to think that everything has happened the way it has for a reason.
Later that night, I pull up in front of Romel’s house. The lights are on inside, but I still decide to go around the outside path to the guesthouse instead of through the main house. I pass one of the windows and catch sight of Kaylee dancing and singing off-pitch to one of her favorite cartoons. But what really brings a smile to my face is seeing Romel dance and laugh with her. There’s a strong pang in my heart as I watch them, feeling like an outsider. They’ve both lost so much, but still find these moments of happiness together. A fierce longing stabs me in the gut, and I know with certainty that any chance I had of escaping these two without a broken heart is long gone.
Someday, they won’t need me anymore.
And I’m going to be devastated when that day comes.
TWENTY-SEVEN
I pause at the foot of the stairs and watch Meredith lean over and paint Kaylee’s toes the same bright pink as hers. My chest tightens at the sight of them smiling and giggling. Sydney always talked about doing things like this with her daughter—even before we knew we were having a girl, although she’d had a feeling early on that it was a girl. It hurts to know Syd will never get this experience, but at the same time, it’s nice to see Kay get to have moments like this with a woman I know she looks up to.
Right as I have the thought, Kaylee looks at Meredith, her eyes bright and happy like she thinks Meredith is the best thing in the world.
I imagine it’s not far off from the look I often have when I look at Meredith. I’ve been thinking about what Ty said ever since we left their house, and something is shifting inside me. I spent a lot of time talking to Syd’s picture last night—the one I keep on my bedside table—and trying to remember her and what she’d say in this situation. It gave me some clarity, but I’m still wrapping my head around the confusing swirl of feelings stirring inside me after so long of feeling nothing but various layersof grief.
Meredith looks up when I clear my throat, and her smile becomes a little forced when it’s aimed at me. I haven’t had a chance to talk to her without Kaylee around, and I’m not sure if she’s done that on purpose or not.
I wouldn’t blame her if she did.
“I’m heading out for guys’ night, but I won’t be out late.”
“Okay,” she says.
Kaylee wiggles her toes and hits me with a megawatt smile. “Daddy, look!”
“Pretty,” I say as I walk over and drop a kiss to the top of her head. “Be a good girl for Miss Mere, okay?”
She nods, but she’s already focused on her toes again. Meredith is smiling at her with such a serene expression on her face, and I’m hit once again with how much she loves my daughter.
“I’ll see you when I get home.”
She nods, but is already focused on Kay. I leave with an uneasy feeling in my stomach and a certainty in my veins that I need to find the words before I mess this up further.
Ty sets down the card with a smile. “Uno.”
But his smile is short-lived when Dom lays down a reverse and then +2. “Not quite.”
