Page 35 of Protecting the Boundary
I don’t think I can tell him that enough because so often it seems like he thinks he’s failing her when it’s the exact opposite.
He sets down his own plate and locks his gaze on mine. “I owe you an apology.”
“For what?” I hate how my voice cracks.
“For what I said to you after the aquarium.” He takes a deep breath, and the movement causes his chest to expand and his shirt to stretch across his pecs. I can see the outline of the rings he wears around his neck underneath the fabric. Now that I know they’re there, I can’t seem to stop noticing where they slightly lift his shirt whenever I see him. “Sydney has been with me every day since she died. I think about her constantly.”
What is it like to have a man like this love you that fiercely? Sydney’s life might’ve been cut too short, but God, was she lucky to have a love like this. A man like this one.
I hate that I’m jealous of a dead woman. There’s no point in feeling the emotion, but it still tangles up with my own feelings and knowing he’ll never allow himself to let her go enough to let someone else in.
“I didn’t think about her at the aquarium,” he says, his voice heavy with guilt.
I furrow my brow. “I don’t understand.”
“It’s the first adventure I’ve had with Kaylee where I haven’t imagined Sydney with us—haven’t thought about her at all.”
I shake my head, still not quite understanding why that made him react to me the way he did, but he speaks before I can ask.
“I enjoyed the day with you and my daughter and didn’t once think about my wife, and it felt like a betrayal to her.” He looks down at the counter when he says the last part like he’s ashamed of himself, or maybe just can’t look me in the eye.
My heart aches as I finally start to get it, and I reach my hand out and place it on his. He stiffens slightly, but doesn’t remove his hand from under mine. “I didn’t get the chance to meet Sydney, but I can’t imagine she would want you to feel guilty for enjoying a day with your daughter and not thinking about her. I’m sure she would understand.”
He looks at me then with torture in his eyes. “But it wasn’t just with my daughter.”
We stare at each other as a heaviness settles between us. “You didn’t think about her because you were withme?” I ask, trying to understand if I’m way off base here.
He nods.
What does that mean? My stupid, hopeful heart starts racing.
We stare at each other, the tension between us thickening, but before either of us gets a chance to say anything more, the front door opens and Kaylee’s voice shouts down the hall. “Daddy!”
We both pull our hands away as if the touch suddenly burned, and just in time since Kay comes racing into the kitchen seconds later, followed by Gabe Romero and a woman. Both adults dart glances between Romel and me. I try to calm my racing heart, but it’s hard when Romel squats down just in time to catch Kaylee as she runs into his arms, wrapping her arms tight around his neck.
She sees me and smiles. “Miss Mere!”
“Hey, KayBear. You hungry?”
She nods and squirms until Romel sets her down. She runs over to the stool next to me, and I help her up where she sits on her knees and grabs a piece of bacon off the paper towel, taking a bite with a big smile.
“Sorry if we interrupted,” Gabe says. He extends his hand. “We haven’t formally met. Gabe Romero. This is my wife, Danae,” he says, gesturing to the dark-haired woman next to him.
“Meredith. I’m the nanny.”
Gabe looks at Romel. “Awfully nice of you to make breakfast for your nanny.”
My cheeks flush. “Uh, yeah, I had a rough night,”I say, not wanting to be more detailed with Kaylee sitting next to me. “But greasy bacon is just the cure. And coffee. Can never have enough coffee.”
Danae smiles kindly at me, while Gabe keeps darting glances between Romel and me. “Coffee is definitely a necessity in our house too,” she says. “Anyway, we just stopped by to drop off Kaylee. Car seat’s by the front door. We’ll get out of your hair.” She grabs Gabe’s hand and gives him a look when it’s clear he wants to stay and say something.
He shakes his head and drops a kiss to her forehead that makes my chest ache. Do all these guys love their women as fiercely as Romel loves Sydney?
If so, I hope they all realize how lucky they are.
Because a love like that doesn’t come around every day, and unfortunately, I think for Romel, he’s convinced it can only come around once. Which means it doesn’t matter if hanging out with me made him stop thinking about Sydney, because I can tell by the torment in his eyes and what he said to me the following day that he sees that as a betrayal.
And I won’t push him to let her go if he doesn’t want to.
