Page 44 of Protecting the Boundary
“I think you should probably tell her everything you just said to us. Women like when we talk to them and tell them how we’re feeling, even if it’s confusing and shows that we’re a hot mess,” Ty said.
Dom and Gabe nod and hum in affirmation.
“Then I think it’s time I go home and see if I fumbled this past the point of no return or if she’s willing to give me another chance.”
TWENTY-EIGHT
The second Romel leaves for guys’ night, I feel my body relax. He hasn’t mentioned our kiss again and neither have I. What is there really to talk about anyway? Knowing the man you’ve been falling for thinks kissing you was a mistake is next level humiliating, and I’d rather not drag the awkwardness out if possible.
I put the finishing touches on Kay’s toes, and she wiggles them and squeals with pure joy. Thank God for quick-dry nail polish.
“Alright, next on the girls’ night checklist is face masks.”
“Yay!” she squeals although I don’t know if she even understands what a face mask really is. I did some research when I got home last night and found a recipe for a homemade cucumber aloe face mask that’s supposed to be great for sensitive skin and had simple ingredients so it was safe for Kaylee to put on her face. The last thing I wanted to do was accidentally buy one that gave her a rash or something and ruined the experience for her.
I grab the mask mix that I whipped up earlier today andstart by putting a blob on her nose. She giggles, and the sound brings a smile to my face.
God, I love this girl so much. She’s such a ray of sunshine when everything feels like a mess. Even though I had a moment of jealousy of Sydney, right now all I feel is sadness that she’ll never get to see the incredible kid she created. She brought this beautiful gift into the world and doesn’t even get to enjoy her and watch her grow. It’s the greatest travesty of losing a parent at such a young age.
I remember wanting to always do things like this with my mom, especially when I was around ten and my friends would tell me about the fun mother-daughter things they’d do. I don’t want Kay to miss out on any of those things, so I’ll give her as many memories as I can while I’m in her life.
Once I’ve got the mask spread in an even layer on her forehead, nose, cheeks, and chin, I do the same to myself. We run to the bathroom and laugh at how silly we look.
I even snap a few pics of us and debate sending one of them to Romel, but decide against it. He’s probably busy with his friends anyway. I tuck my phone into my back pocket, and then after a few minutes, we rinse off our faces.
“Gorgeous!” I say to our clean faces in the reflection in the mirror.
“Gorgeous!” she mimics.
“Okay, now it’s time for popcorn and a movie.What do you think we should watch?”
She shouts the name of her current favorite movie and grabs my hand to pull me out to the living room. I get it started on the TV before I go to the kitchen to make the popcorn.
Despite her energy when we were doing face masks, she only makes it halfway through the movie before her eyes start getting droopy with sleep.
“You gettin’ sleepy, KayBear?”
“No,” she murmurs, half asleep.
I chuckle and hit pause on the remote. “Let’s go read a couple of stories before bed.”
The fact she doesn’t fight me on it only confirms how exhausted she is. We go through her bedtime routine—putting on her pj’s, brushing her teeth, and then getting into bed for story time.
The first story she picks out isn’t one I’ve read before, and immediately my heart feels like it tugs in my chest. It’s about a mama bear and her cub. The rhymes are simple and sweet, but still, my voice gets throaty as the sentiment under the words hits me right in the chest.
“Miss Mere?” Kay whispers, snuggling closer to me.
“Yeah, KayBear?”
“I wish you were my mommy.”
My nose burns as tears fill my eyes. I put the book down and wrap my arm around her shoulders, holding her tight. I don’t tell her that she feels like mine, and that being her mommy would be the greatest title I’d ever have because I won’t get her hopes up for something that will never happen, even if we both wish it could. I could never replace Sydney, but I could honor her memory by loving her family.
I pick the book back up and finish the story, fighting back tears the entire time. I read her one more after that before she falls sleep and I extricate myself from her bed. I brush a loose curl away from her face. She has no idea all the hard days in her future without her mom—the days when she’ll miss her so fiercely because she’ll ache to know simply what it would be like to have one. I wish I could save her from all those days, that I could hold her hand when she misses her mom and tell her how proud Sydney would be. I press a kiss to her forehead, make sure her night-light is on, and then leave the room, closing the door behind me.
I’m picking up the living room and putting things away when the garage door opens.
Shit. Why is he back so soon? I thought I had at least another hour so I could get the house clean and be ready to walk out the door as soon as he got home. Things are going to be so awkward without Kaylee awake to ease some of the tension.
