Page 23 of Campus Crush
Her eyes widened as she stared at me, clearly at a loss for what to say.
“He doesn’t remember you from freshman year?”
“Nope.”
“Are you sure?” she asked. “I mean, he seemed totally into you that night. You two couldn’t stop staring and smiling at each other like lovesick fools. Even with all we’d had to drink, I can remember that much.”
“Yeah, and I’m sure he seemed totally into a dozen other girls since then,” I said.
Except the words felt like a lie even as I said them.
I’d never really known Foster to be a womanizer. Not that I knew him much at all, but when I’d seen him on campus, he didn’t seem like a guy who played women, or even dated all that often.
Sam reached for my hand. “Abby, he deserves to know that you guys have a little bit of a history if he doesn’t remember for himself.”
I pulled my hand away and covered my face. “I can’t. It’s just so pathetic, no matter how wasted we were. I can’t tell him about that.”
She brushed a strand of hair from my face, and I reluctantly dropped my hands. “Abby, you are my best friend and you are the most intelligent person I know. But in this, I think you’re letting the events that followed that night make it seem worse than it really was.”
“You weren’t there,” I told her.
“I was there up until you guys left, and he was definitely into you. I don’t care how much we had to drink.”
“Well, he couldn’t have been into me that much because he fell asleep mid-kiss.”
For months after, I questioned if I was that bad of a kisser—that boring—that he could just fall asleep mid-makeout.
Sam gave me her no-nonsense look. “Babes.” Oh no, Iknew that tone. “While I’ve never had a guy fall asleep in the middle of making out, I have had other poor experiences, and guys can’t always perform when they drink too much. Honestly, there are any number of things that can impact performance, if you know what I’m saying. But you’ve held on to that night like Rose on the door inTitanic. And you’ve let it hold you back like there was something wrong with you when there’s not. Foster got drunk and passed out. It happens to the best and the worst of us. That’s not a reflection on you or how good a kisser you are.”
She squeezed my hands. “Don’t hate me, but I think you’ve been holding on to this like a shield.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
“You crushed on Foster hard before that night. Then you finally got the chance to hook up with him and it went poorly. I remember how upset you were when you came home and then, before you had a chance to see him again and maybe clear the air, your mom died.”
The familiar burn of tears stung behind my eyes, but I gritted my teeth and swallowed down the emotion bubbling up.
She continued. “I think the grief of losing her combined with…I don’t know, feelings of failure or embarrassment, just turned that night into this giant thing for you. When to anyone else it would have been something that a few weeks later you could laugh at. I’ve watched you practically bury yourself under work, classes, and your internship—all of it to avoidfeeling. And Abby, that’s no way to live. Your mom wouldn’t want that for you. She would want you tofeel.She would want you to embrace life and dating, to have a crush, to maybe fall in love.”
I swallowed thickly because shewouldwant that. Iknew it was true, but that didn’t make it any easier to acknowledge out loud.
And if she was right about my mom, was Sam also right about that night? Had I let my mind twist that night with Foster into something worse than it actually was? Had I gotten in my own way because of everything that happened after?
What would have happened if I had seen Foster again before my mom’s accident? Would he have remembered me? Would we have cleared the air?
Sam squeezed my hand. “Please don’t let that night hold you back, and don’t hold it over Foster.”
“It doesn’t matter,” I said. “He doesn’t remember me, and I doubt he would be interested in me in that way. I’m just his tutor.”
“He liked you once,” she said with a beguiling smile. “I’m pretty sure he could fall for you again.”
Maybe the more important question was, did I want him to?
Or was there someone else I’d also avoided taking a chance with because of fear?
With a pat on my knee, she headed down the hall to her room. I picked up my phone again and saw that Bear had left another message.
BigBear88:
