Page 20 of Keeper of Hearts
"Troian, please."
She huffs a sigh. "Why didn't you tell me about this earlier?"
"What?"
"You took the SATs in August," she whispers. "It's March."
"I…" I mutter a curse. "I didn't want to have to involve you. I figured the less you knew, the better, especially if…"
"If what?"
"If I decided to use it," I say as I meet her gaze. "I've been sitting on it all this fucking time, hoping she never pushed far enough for me to want to destroy her life because I knew what you'd say about that. I knew you'd want me to be the bigger person, so you'd try to talk me out of doing it. Maybe I didn't want to be talked out of it. Maybe, just once, I want her to live in terror the same goddamn way you have since transferring here."
"I don't live in terror."
"No? You certainly don't live in joy, either. You hate going to school. You hate going anywhere she might be. I'm fucking sick of her hurting you because she's a jealous bitch who knows she'll never be half as incredible as you are. So I sat on it, and I waited, hoping I wouldn't have to upset you by using it. But I'm done asking, butterfly. I'm done telling her off and being a dick to her when she just doesn't fucking get it. If I have to destroy her to make her back the fuck off and leave you alone, I'll do it." I blow out a sharp breath. "I should have done it as soon as I realized her sister was testing for her that day. Maybe then you'd have one decent memory of your senior year."
"I have decent memories."
"Yeah? Name one?"
She's silent for a moment, and then she just shrugs, which breaks my fucking heart because she can't think of a single day when Victoria wasn't making her miserable. Not one. "She doesn't matter, Gage."
"She made you cry today."
"That's…not important."
"It is to me." I reach across the console, brushing hair away from her face. "It breaks my heart every single time you cry."
"I doubt that."
"You think I don't care?" I ask, my goddamn stomach hurting at the thought.
"I…I don't know." Her tongue skirt nervously across her bottom lip. "Why didn't you tell me that you were auditioning for the movie last year? Or that they offered you the role?" she asks, her voice so soft I barely hear it.
"Fuck," I groan, closing my eyes. "I picked up the phone fifteen different times to call you, but it sounded so stupid in my head."
"Why?" She blinks at me. "I was so proud of you when you finally told me. I was just hurt because I didn't understand why you kept it from me." Her bottom lip quivers. "I thought we told each other everything, but you've been keeping all these secrets from me. Maybe I think it's because Victoria is right, and you don't really see me as a friend."
"Jesus," I rasp, my voice shaking. I'm such an asshole. In a thousand different ways, I've hurt her without even meaning to or trying to do it. If she's done with me now, I won't blame her. I'll never forgive myself for it or get over her, but I won't blame her.
"You'vealwaysbeen the most important person in my life, Troian. It kills me that you don't know that. I didn't tell you that I was offered the part until it was a done deal because I was embarrassed to admit that I was willing to turn myself into a goddamn movie star just to feel like I could measure up to you," I admit.
She blinks again, her expression shocked. "You think you don't measure up?"
"To you, Troian," I say gently. "I don't measure upto you."
She stares at me like she doesn't understand. And I'm sure she probably doesn't. She's never seen herself clearly, not the way I do. She's had our classmates filling her head with bullshit for the last four years, and somewhere along the way, she started to believe them. But they've always been wrong about her. They've been wrong about me, too. Out of the two of us, I'm the one who doesn't deserve her time and attention. I never have.
"Your parents are millionaires," I explain, my voice soft. "And no matter how hard I work, it'll be years before I'm ever able to give you even a tenth of what they do. I want to be good enough for you, and I never have been."
She stares at me, her lips slightly parted. "You really think that?"
"I mean…yeah. Have you looked at yourself lately?" I quirk a brow at her. "You're gorgeous. You're funny. You're so fucking smart that no one else can even keep up with you. Our classmates are fucking stupid. They look at us and think that I'm the one worth something because I play football and have a movie deal, but that's because they can't see past high school bullshit. The ones who do, though? The ones who realize there is more to life than our campus and the drama that goes with it? They see you clearly. Theyknowyou're the real star."
I brush my thumb across her cheek. "You've always been the star, butterfly. And I've always just been the guy grateful to stand in your shadow. I've always been the one hoping you'd notice me standing there and give me your heart."
"Gage." Her expression does this thing where it wobbles between hope and devastation. "You'veneverbeen in my shadow."
