Page 73 of Chess Not Checkers
There is no doubt about it: this was a mistake. When I called MJ earlier to ask if we could get together for dinner Sunday after the homecoming game, she invited me to come tonight. I told her I didn’t want to intrude, but Bash took the phone from her and told me I had to come. If I turned him down, he would have questioned me on why, and I didn’t have it in me to lie to him even more than I already am. So, I texted Jasmine to warn her that I was coming, and then I showed up.
Judging by the look on Jasmine’s face as she walks inside, she did not get my text. I give her a half smile.
“Man, your game last week was something else,” Grayson says with a grin. “You showed those reporters who you really were after the loss.”
I smile and thank him, but it still hurts to think about my record being tarnished. Last week was a great game, made even better by Jasmine’s encouraging messages. She sent me a voice memo while she was doing her makeup that morning. It was tenminutes long, half the time spent narrating looking for her game day lipstick. I switched out my usual classical music playlist to listen to that audio during warm-ups. Had the best game of my life. I haven’t watched any ESPN or looked on social media, but I’m sure they’re crediting it to the promise I made after the loss. It wasn’t that on my mind, though. It was Jasmine motivating me to do my best and put everything else out of my mind.
There was something liberating about going into a game knowing there was someone out there who didn’t care if I won or lost, so long as I was happy. It allowed me to set aside my anxiety and focus on each action rather than the pressure. I’m still working on how to work that into conversations like this, but I’ll get there.
“He did great,” MJ agrees.
“Well, he learned from the best,” Bash jests as he joins the growing crowd around me in the living room. His daughter Sage is resting against his shoulder, her wide blue eyes taking everything in. I’m sure it’s a lot for her. I forgot how big the family was, and I’m not even sure if everyone is here. I only remember a few people’s names.
“His brother?” Grayson says with a laugh, earning a shove from Bash.
Jasmine’s eyes meet mine, and I see the apology in them. I give a little shake of my head. It’s not like they know. If they did, they wouldn’t say these things. And what they’re saying isn’t bad. It just reminds me that I need to talk to my brother. I sent him and Willow an apology message a few days after the game, but told him I needed some time before we talked about everything. I don’t know if I have the right words yet, and with the secret of my relationship hanging over me, it didn’t seem like a good time to tackle that conversation.
“All right, enough football talk. Let’s eat,” MJ says, directing everyone into the kitchen.
The lengthy island is covered with food. There’s an elaborate charcuterie board with fruits, cheeses, honey, and a variety of crackers. There’s a chicken pot pie and a shepherd’s pie as options for the main dishes. Several different sides of vegetables, homemade bread with cinnamon honey butter, and an entire section of decadent looking desserts. Various items are labeled to indicate whether they’re allergy friendly, since MJ has several dietary restrictions.
I pile my plate with as much as I can get to fit on it, then follow Jasmine, who’s headed outside to sit by the fire. If I can go fast enough, I’ll have a second alone with her.
“What are you doing here?” she hisses as soon as we’re alone.
The fire lights up her features, bringing out the caramel highlights in her dark curls. I wish I could pull her to me and tangle my hands into them while we kiss. Instead, I stand across from her, the fire in between us, like we’re strangers.
“I texted to warn you, but you must not have seen it,” I tell her, and she pats the pockets over her jeans before her shoulders sink.
“I left my phone in my car.”
I give her an apologetic smile. “I was trying to set up dinner on Sunday, but they insisted I come tonight. I didn’t want to lie if they asked why I couldn’t.”
She nods in understanding. The door opens and everyone starts to file outside. Some carry a chair in one hand and a plate in the other, while others opt to sit down on the blankets already laid out. Jasmine sits on a blanket beside her sister, while I take a chair that MJ offers me.
The entire family is this bundle of warm laughter and love that I’ve not known in this quantity before. Each person manages to be included in conversation, including me. It’s hard to feel like an outsider when they do everything in their power to make sure you feel the opposite. If there’s an inside joke, they explainit, and by the end you feel like you lived out that moment with them. Same for any family memory.
I start to settle in halfway through my plate, and let myself enjoy being surrounded by such good people. My eyes wander to Jasmine often. I try not to—she’s told me how hyperobservant her family is—but it’s difficult when she looks so at peace. I wonder if she knows how well she fits in here? She thinks she’s a tagalong because of her sister’s marriage, but I only have to spend a short time here to know that’s not true. Every one of these people would take a bullet for her.
She catches me watching her through the flames. Her brows raise, and I throw her a quick wink. She quickly looks away, but there’s a smile on her lips.
Her brother-in-law, Levi, starts telling a story about a backyard football game gone wrong, and he grabs me for a demonstration. I’m doubled over laughing by the end of it. The entire interaction opens up something inside me. Sheds light on a dark part of my heart covered in cobwebs and dust. I look around the fire at everyone laughing, Jasmine included, and my throat tightens.
I want this.I smile at the way Jasmine falls into her sister, both of them out of breath.With her. I want this with her.
“Do you have your loser’s speech ready?” Grayson asks as he settles across the coffee table from Jasmine.
Some of the family is still outside, but Jasmine and Grayson came inside for a chess match, so I quietly followed them in. Levi and Dahlia came too, as well as Grayson’s wife, Sloane. We all piled onto the couches while they set up the board and sat on the floor.
“I’d pace that trash talk if I were you, old man. I’m going to win,” Jasmine retorts, and I stifle a laugh.
It’s difficult to be nonchalant when I hang on her every word. She looks so gorgeous tonight, too, in her fitted jeans and cream sweater. Earlier she pulled her curls up into a bun, leaving a few ringlets down by her face. I wanted to brush them back and kiss her.
“You’re not allowed to call me old until you beat me.”
Jasmine laughs. “Deal. Prepare to be called Grandpa Grayson for the rest of your days.”
Grayson balks at this while his wife giggles nearby, peeking over the top of her book to watch them. They begin, Grayson going first since he took the white pieces. I watch each move, telling myself that everyone knows I like chess, so they won’t think anything of my concentration.
