Page 44 of Chess Not Checkers
I stare at the text Shepherd just sent me. It came through while I was finishing up talking to my family, two hours after the game. They all got together at MJ’s house to watch it and saw me get flattened like a pancake in 4k. I had over fifty texts by the time my coach dropped me off at the room, but my family let me shower and rest before making me video chat to prove I wasn’t severely maimed. It was nice to talk to them, but it became difficult to focus when I saw Shepherd’s message at the top of my screen. I said my goodbyes before any of them could call me on my weird expression.
Shepherd: Are you awake?
It is late, since we had a night game, but his text makes me feel like I just got ten hours of sleep.
Jasmine: I am. What’s up?
I cringe at my awkward reply. I’m not usually like that with him, but we also haven’t texted this much before.
Shepherd: Owen abandoned me to go playCollege Football 25with some of the other guys on the team. I thought I could annoy you for fun.
I laugh and shake my head.
Jasmine: I appreciate the honesty. You’re in luck. My roomie left to go do damage control with a heartbroken teammate, so I’m bored too. I’ll let you annoy me if you’ll let me insult you.
Shepherd: Always.
A blush heats my face at the finality of his text.Always. The word feels more like a promise than banter.
Without warning, he video calls me. The only light I have on in the room is the lamp on the stand in between my and Claudette’s beds, but even in the low light I can see how terrible I look. My face is devoid of any makeup, and my hair is in a messy knot that looks like a ball of steel wool on top of my head. Mess is an understatement.
It’s not like you’re trying to impress him, I coach myself.He’s a friend. Friends see each other like this.I hit the green button to answer the call. Shepherd’s face fills my screen, looking unfairly handsome. His grin is wide and infectious. I can’t help but smile, though my stomach is tight with nervous anticipation.
“I thought you might not answer,” he says.
“I was just making you sweat,” I lie. Really, the only one sweating is me. I’m going to need another shower after this if I don’t relax.
“Should have known,” he says with a smile. “How are you feeling?”
I shrug. “A little sore, but fine.”
There’s already a nasty bruise on my side, but nothing is broken. It’s not going to be fun to practice next week, though.
“I’m glad it’s nothing worse. It looked rough.”
I shake my head, not wanting to dwell on it. It was embarrassing enough to hobble off the field knowing that hundreds of thousands of people saw it.
“You said Owen went to playCollege Football 25?” I change the subject. “So y’all get done with playing football for hours just to play the video-game version?”
He chuckles. “Yeah, the guys like creating teams with their characters on them. Or, if I’m there, they’ll play with the old school rosters and choose the year my brother played, so I have to play against him. After the interview this afternoon, I wasn’t in the mood for that, so I stayed back.”
I give him a sympathetic smile. “I’m sorry. That would be annoying to deal with.” I toy with the comforter that’s draped over my lap. “Is it always like it was today?”
“You mean them asking about Jason?” he clarifies.
I nod.
A heavy sigh blows through him, weariness lining his expression. “Pretty much, yeah. People love to compare us, and I get it, but it’s hard feeling like every success I have is overshadowed by his previous ones.”
“That would be difficult. You deserve to be celebrated for you.”
“My hope is that if I reach my goals, one day in the future they’ll stop asking.”
I’m taken back to the moment in my kitchen where we talked about the why behind what we work so hard for. “That’s your why,” I whisper.
He nods. “I want my own legacy. So, I can’t mess up. I can’t just do my best; I have to be better than him.”
My heart breaks for him. I understand the pressure of living up to expectations, but to do it in such a public light is unfathomable.
