Page 140 of Divorced from Number Thirty-Eight
Everything I’ve ever dreamed of wanting.
But fuck if I’ll let my shit ruin her.
It’s already gone too far, she’s already been hurt too much.
I had to end it.
I grind my teeth together.
Because this shit is why I spent a sleepless night knowing Faye was in my house, in my bed, hurting, and that all I had to do to make it right was go to her and apologize, to take her in my arms and tell her that we’ll be all right.
But I couldn’t.
Because I can’t promise that.
Because my head is fucked up.
Because I know eventually the hurts will be too big to come back from.
It had to be now.
Before we got in even deeper.
Smitty reaches for my earbud again.
I hold up my phone, pointing the screen in his direction.
Normally, the sound of terror that comes out of his mouth would have me busting up.
Today I don’t laugh, though.
Because I’ve fucked up the best thing I’ve ever had.
He snatches my phone out of my hand, jerkily jabbing at the screen and shuddering. “Jesus, delete,” he mutters then squeals, eyes going to half-mast as keeps tapping.
Probably deleting all my hard work.
I reach for my cell, but he holds it out of reach.
“Give me my phone,” I growl.
“When I have the chance to search for dick pics?” He grins at me. “Never.”
“Smitty,” I warn. “You know I can just recover the images and torture you with them later, right?”
“No, you can’t,” he says with a smirk. “Because I deleted them out of the trash too.”
“Hey!” I snap.
He tosses my phone into my lap and stands. “I know you’re going to be a stubborn asshole and not listen to me. Same as you’ll ignore Aiden and anyone else who tries to advise you to pull your goddamned head out of your goddamned ass.”
I open my mouth.
“So, I’ll leave you to your sulking and save my words for someone who wants to hear them?—”
“Impossible,” I mutter. “Because no one ever does.”
He points his finger at me. “First, rude. Well, no. That’s second and third too, rude and rude.” He bends, his face in mine. “Fourth, don’t wait until too long to unfuck this.”
