Page 35 of Deceptive Games
“I’m not gay,” he said quietly, silent questions in his tone that made me look up at him.
“No, you’re not. We talked about this. You can like whoever you want.”
“I don’t remember when I got laid last. What if Ididturn gay?” he asked almost in a panic, and I couldn’t help but chuckle.
“Luke, you don’t just turn gay. You and Jense have years of friendship between you, so I think you need to sit down with him and talk about your feelings without exploding at him. He wants to talk about it. Go kiss some girls if you’re that worried. I guarantee you get turned on and can prove to yourself that you’re not gay. For the record though? There’s nothing wrong with being gay. Love who you want and just be yourself. The people that matter won’t even bat an eye about it. If anyone has a problem with you, I’ll stab them,” I offered, making him wince.
“Don’t make jokes about that.”
“Who’s joking? We might not be close like we used to be, but I still want to see you happy. You’ve spent so much of your life being miserable, so take back your happiness and fuck everyonewho gets in your way,” I said firmly, taking his hand and tugging him towards the bed. “C’mon, you need some sleep or you’ll drive yourself crazy.”
He followed without argument, switching the lights off on the way, and I snuggled into him before he could worry about where we stood. I was enjoying the familiar feeling of him surrounding me just as much as he probably was.
A lot had happened, but Lukas’ comfort had always been a default setting in my system. Staying away from him was becoming difficult.
“Sometimes, I wish I’d just called Max’s bluff and barged in to save you that day,” he murmured after a few minutes of silence. “I saved my mom, but at what cost?”
“Of course you saved her, you were a kid,” I replied, pressing a kiss to his chest. “You can’t change the past, so don’t let it drown you.”
“Can I tell you something without making you mad?” He swallowed nervously as I peered up at him, waiting for him to continue. “I tried to kill myself that week. I’ve never felt so helpless or lost before, and I snapped. I couldn’t protect you, Mom was being a tyrant, and I just needed my brain to stop so I could have some peace. Mom came home from brunch early and found me in my bedroom bleeding out, and all she could talk about when I got home from the hospital was how I’d ruined the carpet and embarrassed her. One of her fancy friends is married to the doctor that saved my life, so her inner circle knew what I’d done.”
“Why didn’t you tell me?” I choked out, hating the thought of not being there.
“You’d just been raped and you hated me. I didn’t have the right to ask you for help,” he scoffed. “I’ve had other attempts since then, but it got easier to work through my bullshit once I had the guys. They know I struggle with it, and it’s why Ibasically live here. Things don’t feel so bad when I’m close to Jense.”
“Why would you do that though? The shit my father did wasn’t your fault,” I said in disbelief, my mind reeling at how distant he became. I knew he’d felt guilty, which was why he stayed away, but suicide?
“Because you were everything to me, Rory. My safe place, the reason I got out of bed in the morning with a smile on my face, and why I wasn’t so lost in the dark. I didn’t understand the feelings when I was a kid, and when I did figure them out, it was around the time that everything went to shit. Without you, I had nothing.”
“I loved you, I still do, and part of me is so angry at myself for not being able to turn it off after you hurt me,” I murmured, reaching a hand up to cup his cheek, my thumb brushing his lip ring. “Even if we’re fighting, you can always come to me and tell me you’re struggling. My love for you will always overrule my anger.”
“Say it again.”
“Say what?” I asked with a frown, my stomach twisting when I realized what he wanted. “Luke?—”
“I need you to say it. It’s not a promise to be with me, I know that, and I also know you’re sleeping with Skeeter and have something going on with my friends. I just need to hear you say it,” he whispered, his fingers flexing on my waist.
“I love you,” I said so quietly that I was surprised he even heard it, but he groaned and cupped the back of my neck to bring my forehead to his, his voice low.
“I love you too.”
“If you love me, then don’t fucking leave me behind,” I forced out, my voice tight with emotion. That wasn’t fair to ask, but I needed him to stay.
His answer was his lips on mine, gentle at first as he tested my reaction, then his fingers threaded through my hair as he deepened the kiss and pulled me closer. My mouth opened for him as my hands wandered his chest, hooking my leg over his waist as he teased my tongue with his.
My heart was slamming against my chest as one of his hands slipped under my baggy shirt and slid up my side, his dick pressing against my core as I rubbed against him. A grunt left him as I slid my hand low on his abs and toyed with the elastic on his boxers, desperation in his voice as he spoke.
“Touch me.”
My hand slid below the fabric and his kiss turned almost feral the second I wrapped my fingers around his length. Surprise filled me when I teased the head and found a piercing, not expecting it at all.
“When did you get this?” I murmured against his lips, smearing the precum over the tip, an amused huff of laughter leaving him.
“Jense and I went and got them done together when I was having a bad week. He thought the pain might help center me or something and agreed to get his done too. If you keep doing that, you’re going to get a handful of cum.”
“You already need to come?”
“I’ve been wanting you to touch me like this for my entire damn life. Yes, I’m struggling not to make an idiot out of myself right now,” he groaned, thrusting into my hand. “I know Jense already got you off earlier, but please let me touch you. All I could think about when I was watching you two was that I should’ve joined in.”
