Page 92 of Deceptive Games
“The amount of orgasms she gets from me, I don’t blame her,” he joked, flicking ash over the side of the building.
“I came here to be alone, you know? I don’t care about you or your friend. Why are you telling me this?” I grumbled, swinging my legs slightly. “Don’t you have crew stuff to do?”
“Nah. We don’t host fights as often as the Psychos, and Marco doesn’t need me to hold his hand like Skeet does for Slash,” he chuckled, tilting his head. “Why are you out here alone, anyway?”
I ignored the comment about Skeet, pulling out another cigarette with annoyance.
“I wanted to be alone for five seconds. That’s why.”
“No one should suffer alone. Whatever’s on your mind will drown you if you don’t share the burden,” he said quietly. When I didn’t reply, he spoke again. “I was assaulted by my father when I was younger. If the stuff with your dad is what’s on your mind, you can talk to me. I’d understand how you feel.”
I looked at him, finding him already watching me.
“You were assaulted?” I repeated, and he nodded.
“Yep. Dad was a real piece of work. I kept it a secret for a long time, so if you’re feeling some kind of shame or?—”
“I’m not,” I snapped, and he put a hand up.
“I’m not accusing you. I just know the jumbled feelings that can take over your brain from it. No judgment on how you feel. If that’s not why you’re out here alone, then I’m sorry for bringing it up. I just know what it’s like,” he stated, his phone ringing. He ignored it, and I frowned.
“What if that’s important?”
“If you want to share trauma stories, then nothing’s more important than that,” he shrugged. “Skeet doesn’t drop everything to talk about it?”
“I don’twantto talk to him about it,” I grumbled, pausing before asking, “Is it normal to have conflicting feelings about it?”
I realized that sounded weird when he only knew about Tristan, and I shut my mouth quickly as if it would take back what I’d said.
“What do you mean? Did he get you off and you’re embarrassed about it?” he asked, thankfully not looking at me.
“It just wasn’t all bad. What’s wrong with me?” I muttered, and he scoffed.
“Nothing’s wrong with you. Your body reacted like it thought it was supposed to. That doesn’t meanyouenjoyed it. It took me a long time to learn that, so I’m telling you right now that you don’t need to think about it any longer. If you came, that just means science did its thing, and that’s the end of it. Did you trauma bond to the guy or something?”
“Did you ever— Well, finish?” I asked carefully, avoiding his question.
He knew I was dodging him, but he humored me anyway. “Yes. I did.”
“How old were you?” My question was so quiet I barely heard it, but he did.
“Honestly? I don’t really remember when it started. It was just a part of my life until I got older and I killed him. If it makes you feel better, I was riddled with guilt over my feelings for a long time until I really processed them. You’ll find peace with it when you’re ready.”
“What happened between you and Skeet? He really fucking hates you,” I said to change the subject, a little surprised when he replied honestly.
“I chose my crew like I was supposed to. He would’ve done the same if things were the other way around. Hasn’t he told you anything?”
“I know you shot him, but that’s it. We don’t really talk about personal things or crew stuff,” I replied, making him frown.
“What do you talk about then?”
“We’re either fucking or fighting, there’s no room for anything else,” I joked, his frown only deepening. “What? It’s not like he’s my boyfriend.”
“He used to be nice, you know?”
“You mean before his best friends turned on him and left him for dead?” I offered bluntly, making him snort.
“Yeah. We were as thick as thieves as kids. You need someone who’s there for you. Skeet is emotionally unavailable.”
