Page 110 of To Bring You Back
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Adeline forced herself to nod along with the conversation. What she wanted was to go inside and find out where Gannon had been hiding for the last two hours. And why.
Tim and John laughed at something Tegan said. Tegan looked over as if Adeline ought to appreciate the joke too, but she’d heard nothing. She smiled and hoped that would cover her cluelessness.
John made a show of dancing in his seat, and the others erupted again.
Sitting here was a waste. She couldn’t enjoy the company while she wondered about Gannon and whether he was hurt or angry—or both.
She excused herself with a polite smile that faded as soon as her back was turned.
Gannon wasn’t in the great room, the kitchen, or the studio. She climbed the stairs.
Pausing at his partially open door, she heard the crackle of paper. Tapping on the door pushed it far enough open to reveal him sitting against his headboard, a notebook in hand. He had one leg stretched out, the other knee bent up. On seeing her, he tossed the notebook to the comforter and rested his wrist on his knee.
Her heart plunked against her ribs like a child abusing a piano. “So, this is how a brooding rock star looks.”
His brow furrowed. He must not understand the way his mood tempted her to give in, to kiss him in hopes of changing everything about how he felt right now.
Not her best idea.
She glanced at the chair at the desk. He’d asked before joining her on the patio last night, and that had been a much less personal space. “Can I sit?”
He nodded, but as he did, he rubbed his forehead as if he weren’t in the mood for company. Too tired. Or hurt. Or angry.
She took the chair. If any more nervous energy infused her, she’d float away like a helium balloon. She gripped the armrests to keep herself in place. “I wanted to explain about the friends thing.”
“I already know.” He looked out the window, eyebrows still drawn.
“You do?”
“You still feel guilty.” He worked his fingers. A guitar melody or simple, subconscious movement while he thought? He focused on her again, a hint of blue visible in his irises, but she was too far away to see the gold ring she loved so much. “What if God is better than you know, Adeline? What if He’s perfect and forgives perfectly?”
Of course he had the right thing to say.
“You’re right. Partially. I do feel guilty. Ashamed, even. I found an article last night that published almost all of our story, pictures and all, for anyone to read.”
“I saw.”
She gulped and nodded. “But that’s not why I think it’s best to be friends. It’s more about what you asked just now. What if God is better than I know, and what if He forgives perfectly? Those are beautiful questions.”
He watched her as if she were an act onAudition Roomhe still hadn’t made up his mind about.
“Heisbetter than I know. Hedoesforgive perfectly, and He has a plan for me. I want to take the time to understand what that means.”
The lines of pain and frustration lightened little by little, compelling her to continue.
“I want to stop assuming following Him means taking on work I don’t love and volunteering every chance I get. I want to stop punishing myself by not playing bass and by keeping everyone at bay. But changing all that is turning my world on its head.” Speaking her reasoning lightened her load, and examples poured out. “I applied for a new job, I started practicing again, I opened up to you and Tegan about things I’ve never told anyone. It’s a lot, all at once, and I need a strong relationship to carry me through.” Here, she hesitated. What would follow was a minor chord in an otherwise upbeat song, and it changed the entire feel. “But I don’t think that can be with you.”
He rubbed his forehead again, jaw flexing.
“I think it needs to be Jesus.”
He laughed once, not looking at her. He laughed again, more convincing this time, and scrubbed his hands through his hair.
Though unsure what he found funny, a chuckle rose from her own throat. “In that song, you sang about God loving me and looking out for me, and I think I need to learn to rely on Him before exploring other relationships. Being grounded in God first is the only way I’ll make a good life partner for anyone. I just hope you were wrong.”
“About?”
