Page 77 of To Believe In You
“I’ve got to be at the store in six hours.” The more nights he racked up with poor sleep, the worse he would function. And he’d already done pretty poorly today. Rest. That had been one thing his sponsor had reminded him to prioritize when he’d called him earlier.
She laid her hand on the back of the couch. “If I leave, you’ll be able to sleep? Because I won’t.”
Well, no. Especially not if he knew Lina was tossing and turning because of him.
He approached the end of the couch and tucked his hands into his pockets. “You asked me not to pretend to be something I’m not. I don’t think I’m ready to lay everything out tonight.”
“Honesty isn’t always convenient, but it is necessary.”
The air in the room seemed to press on him, weighing down his head, his shoulders, even his ability to make eye contact. “I haven’t lied to you.”
“But you haven’t told the truth either. Since when are you afraid of anything?”
He’d miss how she believed the best in him. He already missed what he’d thought about himself—that he’d survived the worst consequences of his choices, had made amends with everyone but his parents, and could move forward without guilt.
And now to find out he’d failed Nadia. He’d been an absent father for eight years. Nine, if the pregnancy counted, too, and to Nadia, he suspected it did.
To him, it did.
He should’ve tried harder to find her when she disappeared. He might’ve uncovered Tim’s involvement, located her and, from one or the other, learned the truth. Instead, he’d numbed out by partying.
Nadia had deserved better.
Lina did too.
“Once I tell you what happened, it’ll change everything. I don’t want to risk that.”
“I thought you were a risk-taker.”
He was a coward who preferred drugs to honesty. But if he turned back to his addictions, he’d lose Lina, Awestruck, all hope of making things right with Nadia and the child. He’d lose everything.
Her eyes, pleading, belied the stillness of her expression.
He’d stepped closer, or he wouldn’t see such details.
When she stood, only a couple of feet separated them. “There are very few things you could’ve done on Sunday that you would refuse to tell me.” She crossed her arms unevenly, and they angled askew from her shoulders. Her face tipped down and away, yet another unparallel line. “Is there someone else?”
“No.” Only after he spoke the word did he recognize it as a lie. Or, at best, a half-truth. There’d been someone else. And now there was someone else—a child. He hoped.
Nadia would’ve had the child, right?
“Are you using again?”
“No.” Though at moments today, the thoughts had buzzed around his head like wasps.
Being even more tired tomorrow would not help matters. He’d attend a meeting in the evening, even if he had to call in to the pizza job. He’d have to check his planner.
Lina advanced another stride and let her arms down. “Then I don’t understand what you’d be afraid to tell me.” One more step, and an assessing glance. “You’ve been trying to earn my trust. Maybe I haven’t been working hard enough to earn yours.” She linked their fingers with kindness he didn’t deserve and couldn’t refuse.
“Lina.” His voice had roughened from the long day, the yearning to let her do whatever she had in mind clashing against the obligation to do what was right.
Moving closer still, she slid her arms around his waist and joined her hands behind his back.
He put his hands on her shoulders, looked her in the eyes. “You don’t want this.”
“You said you wanted me to lead.” She tipped up to kiss his cheek. “I’m leading.”
“This isn’t some ploy to move you along.”
