Page 96 of A Surefire Love
When the show ended, she gathered her things and rejoined Anson.
He stood as she neared. “You sounded good tonight. Especially so.”
“Thank you. The new prescription doesn’t make me tired, and it does seem to be helping.” If only the medicine could reassure her of Mercy’s innocence or mend the rift Blaze had created with Anson. Then it would truly be life-changing.
Anson studied her. “So, what now?”
Until she’d learned he would be moving away, she’d thought the next steps would be getting their relationship back to normal by putting some time between them and their fight, them and her secret. Now she wasn’t sure. “You tell me. You’ve got a lot more up in the air than I do.”
“Because I have to move?”
She managed a nod despite the aches building in every muscle.
“The job openings are months away. Most youth pastorsfinish out the school year. Not always, of course.” He pointed at himself. “I’ll be around a while yet. Income from coaching and my savings can carry me a few months. I’ll look for something temporary, so finances won’t rush me into a decision about where to go next. I’m in no mood to have a repeat of what happened here.”
“You say that like it was a mistake to work at MOBC, but I don’t think that’s true.” She laid her hand over his.
At her touch, his eyes softened. “Thank you.”
She gulped down the pride that would have her stop short of the apology she owed. “I’m sorry I wasn’t on your side yesterday. I’ve seen how good you are with the kids, and I know how hard you work. You didn’t deserve to be fired. Eric’s gone too far.”
He turned his hand and threaded their fingers together. “Your point stands. I can’t change him. Only myself.”
“Yesterday shouldn’t have been about making points.”
“Apology accepted. And, truly, Blaze, you said good things. I’m still not sure what God wants regarding Carter and Gury’s story, but …” He shrugged one shoulder. “What’s new, right? I also don’t know what He wants for us, but I plan to hang around until I find out. In both cases.” He squeezed her hand. “These last couple of days, knowing we weren’t on the same page was unsettling. I meant it—I missed you right away. I missed you before you showed up on my doorstep. I missed you when I got the call about the job. I let it go to voicemail. It took two hours to work up the courage to listen to it.”
Her sympathy welled. “Why didn’t you call or text? I could’ve come. Listened to it for you. Held your hand.”
He lifted her hand and kissed it. “I was reeling. Andembarrassed. I’m sorry. You hit on something when you said I haven’t shown the courage to be vulnerable. I hope you know I don’t see myself as better than you.” He waited for her to nod, then took a deep breath. “But in general, yeah, maybe my ego got in the way of being real. I don’t like to fail, so I keep failures—like how I kept quiet for Gury or couldn’t convince the board—under wraps. But it’s more than that. I keep everything—from emotions to life events—to myself if I think there’s a possibility for disappointment. But that’s no way to live. Holding back can cause the very thing I’m afraid of because secrets are toxic to connection.”
Her heart shuddered. She should tell him about Mercy. If she maintained the secret after that speech, she could never blame her silence on ignorance. He would want to know. He would want her to trust him with it.
He turned her hand in his. “I’m praying about how to apply that more broadly, but for starters, I say we forget dating quietly.” His eyes, blue and loyal, fixed on hers. “I never want you to think I’m looking down on you. It’s the opposite. You inspired me to turn around my whole way of thinking these last couple of days. I’m honored to be with you. I want everyone to know that. Especially you.” He chuckled and lifted their intertwined hands. “Besides, I can’t seem to resist touching you. Anyone with eyes has already seen the truth.”
He gazed at her with the steady trust of a man who’d laid his heart out and had nothing left to hide. A man who’d come clean and couldn’t fathom that she’d do anything less.
Secrets are toxic to connection.
Somehow, he’d imagined he was the only one who struggled to accept that.
But he wasn’t dealing with Jenny, who’d blurted out her full involvement with the garage fire the moment she’d been discovered. He was dealing with Blaze, who understood that some truths could, at the least, pile rumors onto a little girl’s shoulders. At the worst, they might take Mercy from her.
35
Aside from the hum of the furnace and Blaze’s pleased laugh, the conference room was silent. She set her laptop at the head of the table and sent a picture of the eight empty chairs to Anson.
What am I looking at?he asked.
I’m first to arrive for a meeting! I don’t think this has ever happened before.
Congrats. Lots of firsts for you today. I’m proud of you.
She read and reread that last sentence. There were only two firsts—this and tonight, when she’d share a pared-down version of her testimony with Rooted. Both would’ve been a struggle before the prescription.
With the medicine, distractions didn’t make her late as often. And she’d been able to focus while planning her Rooted talk with Anson.
Movement at the doorway prompted her to lower her phone. Tony spotted her, peeked at the empty chairs, and stepped in. “I saw the leaderboard. Selina sold five cars last week?”
