Page 18 of Shape Of My Heart
“I knew them too. Remember? I knew your mom and sister too. They were like family to me. Heck, you even dragged me along to a few ballets, and I helped your mom with a ton of her charity events.” Corey smiled withreflection.
It was good to hear someone talk about them like that. Someone else whorememberedthem.
“Corey, I can’t get past it. If I hadn’t made them come to the game they’d still be here.” That was the most words he’d ever said to anyone. It was perhaps because he’d reached breaking point and didn’t know what elsetodo.
“It’s natural to blame yourself. But it wasn’t your fault. Josh, they could have decided nottocome.”
“They didn’t want to disappoint me.” That was the truth of the matter. They didn’t want to disappoint him so they put their lives at risk tosupporthim.
“Things happen, Josh. Bad things happen sometimes. You may think it’s easy for me to say because I’m not you, but it’s the truth. They meant a lot to me too.” Corey nodded. Josh took note of the sincerity inhiseyes.
In their high school days Corey probably spent more time at Josh’s house than his own. Corey’s parents were always busy flying between Texas and L.A. for one business event or another. There were a number of summers that saw Corey practically living at Josh’s house because he couldn’t stand going back to the family farm in Texas. Josh’s family treated him like he was very much a partofthem.
“I know.” Josh nodded. It felt good to talk like this, as hard asitwas.
“Josh, your behavior…this way you’re living and route you’re going down will destroy you. They loved you, a lot. They wouldn’t want to see you like this. They were always so proud and happy to watch you play. If you want to remember them you should play. Get your act togetherandplay.”
It was all very encouraging. Corey gave some very encouraging points, but until Josh stopped blaming himself none of that wouldsinkin.
“I’ll think about it.” Josh ran his hand across his face. He needed to shave, and he needed adrink.
“I hope you will, Josh. I really do. I understand if you don’t make it to the meetup next week, but you got to be at the show. If you’re not, I’m not sure if that will bode wellforyou.”
Corey wouldn’t say it, but Josh knew what he meant. He meant Josh would get cut from the team. This was why all the efforts—the PA that took his crap, the constant insistence from Corey, Zelda telling him he should retire if he didn’t want a PA—it was all because they wanted him to come back and didn’t want to cut him fromtheteam.
“Sure, thanks for theheadsup.”
“No problem, and jokes aside, you may want to take it easy on your PA too, she’s heretohelp.”
Josh nodded his agreement only because he didn’t want to deal with this now. Having choice taken away from you was a big thing, but he understood the need for it. The team couldn’t wait for him forever. They had to move on. The thing was, if he lost his position it was likely that this would definitely be the end of his career. He’d already been out of the game for six months, and out of shape by an athlete’s standard. He doubted that he could run for two minutes without stopping to catch a breath. That was from lack of training, junk food, and the constant alcohol consumption. Probably the sleeping around, too, and staying in bed practicallyallday.
“Okay.” Corey got up to go and gave him a tap on his shoulder as he wasleaving.
Josh knew he had some serious thinking to do. He just wondered if he had the strength, because his worst enemy here washimself.
* * *
Amy felt like screaming.Screaming andcrying.
The desolate hole in her heart was getting bigger and she was at herwits’end.
It was a mistake calling Dr. Carson because he’d only come down hard on her with some serious home truths. Put simply, her mother was dying and if she didn’t do what she needed her chance of life was next to none. He hadn’t been able to give her any form of estimate on how long the stent would last, or the maximum length of time her mother could wait because she needed the bypass as urgent asyesterday.
Dr. Carson had sympathized to no end but he reiterated that all they could do without the surgery was their best. Her mother’s condition was so far gone that the surgery was a necessity for survival. The time it would take to run all the tests required before the surgery was enough of an impediment because her mother was approaching end-stage heart failure, and if they weren’t careful she’d need a heart transplant. That was a big worry as she wasn’t severe enough to be placed on top of the waiting list, and since she was so weak chances were she wouldn’t be strong enough to survive the wait for a donor. Not to mention the extortionate costs of doing that surgery. The cost of the bypass was high, but a heart transplant cost so much he couldn’ttellher.
Amy had gone through a mixture of emotions. She was angry about the situation, angry that her mother hadn’t told her how sick she was before things got so bad, and she was terrified. Terrified that she was going to lose her mother and there was nothing shecoulddo.
By the time she’d finished with Dr. Carson there wasn’t a question in her mind as to if she was coming back to work. And she had to buy the stuff on Josh’s stupid list. She just thought she’d put her own spin on it, which she was glad for. She didn’t get the chance to meet with Gabriella or Hilda, but since they exchanged numbers she was able to message and arrange something for tomorrow. That would at least be something to lookforwardto.
As for today, she needed to get on with work. The time was getting away from her and if she wanted to get all she needed done she had to sort out the paperwork and other documents. She needed some form of organization. And, she needed to stop cleaning. The passageway from the sitting room to the office had been trashed with garbage and the kitchen was a mess. When she saw it she went into the office to calmherself.
The friend she saw Josh talking to leaned in and smiled at her just as she picked up the dust pan and brush from the floor. She straightened up a little and looked at him, wondering if he was going to botherhertoo.
“Hey there.” Hesmiled.
“Hi.” She decided to try and bepolite.
“You know I didn’t know they actually made condoms that size.” His smilewidened.
