Page 43 of Shape Of My Heart
For those few moments, nothing else mattered and he really was just Josh. Josh, an incredibly handsome man that had just kissed her and made her feel better than she’deverhad.
Amy was already tilting her head up before he lowered to her lips again. She welcomed his lips and the divine ecstasy of him like pure oxygen filling her lungs. She allowed herself the indulgence of sliding her palms across the hard surface of the ridged muscles on hischest.
Blood pounded through her brain, danced frantically around her heart, and weakened her body. She enjoyed the taste of him and embraced the passion that filled her as his tongue tangled with hers. Amy kissed him back with the same strength and desire as the kiss intensified. He kept his hands at her cheek and stroked her face as if he loved the feel of her skin. But then he stopped and pulled away, leaving her lips swollen and burningwithfire.
“I have to go,” he saidquickly.
“Why?Juststay.”
“No.” He shookhishead.
“We could just stay here and watch the sea, or catch a movie.”Orkiss.
After all the time she’d spent with him over the last few weeks she didn’t think she’d ever want to kiss him in this lifetime. But here she was, hoping he’d stay so they could kiss till the suncameup.
Josh simply looked at her and shook his head. “That sounds realnice,Amy.”
She liked the way he saidhername.
“But I’m a mess. One big mess. Let’s be realistic here. It’s Saturday night, you aren’t at work, don’t waste your timeonme.”
She blinked several times, feeling defeated as she watched him turn andwalkaway.
* * *
So that waswhat it felt like to kiss anangel.
Like pure energy, running through every fiber in his being and singing through his veins. When he had kissed Amy days ago it didn’t feel like tonight. For a start, the other day he’d been hyped up on alcohol and overloaded with testosterone. He’dwantedsex.
Tonight was different. He’d never experienced the kiss they shared tonight with anyone. It was the sweetness. Josh didn’t do sweet. He was downright dirty and liked his women to bethesame.
Sweet was different and tapped into something he didn’t think he could feel. Not him. He’d gone through life on that wild edge of recklessness that made him who he was. Growing up he was the worst kind of guy to take home to meet the parents, and it was against him to even try to aim to bethatguy.
Tonight, Amy made him see something his soul cried out for butcouldn’thave.
It was a shame the kiss wasn’t powerful enough to cure his grief. He’d been sober for a whole day and just ruined it with two bottles of rum. Now as the clock stroke one minute past midnight he was wasted. Completelywasted.
“Happy Birthday, Clarissa,” he said to the empty living room. He grabbed a bottle of wine from the crate he had set on the floor in front of him. He didn’t bother to pour it into the glass. He just drank straight from thebottle.
She would have been thirty-three today. Because of him she didn’t even live to see her thirty-third birthday. How sad andcruel.
How very sad andcruel.
She and Pete would probably have been getting ready for their wedding. They wanted a summer wedding. Clarissa had asked Josh to walk her partway down the aisle, then their father would continue the march and give her awaytoPete.
She’d said Josh had taken such great care of her all her life that it was important for her to have him be part of her big day. He would have been honored to walk her down the aisle. He would have been honored to do anythingforher.
But now he couldn’t. Not for her, or theirmother.
There was no way he could see Pete or his father. No way. He knew that now. It wasn’t even an option to contemplate. Not for him. His shame was toogreat.
He finished off the bottle of wine and felt that buzz it usually gave him. Now he just needed the other part of his medication: a few women eager to please. He picked up the phone and went to dial Allegra’s number. As he went to press the call button, an image of Amy’s face flashed into his mind. He saw her beautiful, beautiful face, and the tentative look she’d given him as she’d asked if he’d be calling Allegra and his bedfriends.
He’d told her no. Usually he wouldn’t make such a promise or even come back with such an answer, but he didforher.
Josh looked at the phone, stared at Allegra’s number for a few seconds, then tossed it across the room. Thankfully it didn’t smash like thelastone.
He’d told Amy he wouldn’t and he didn’t want to addliarto the already lengthy list of unsavory things thathewas.
