Page 93 of Shape Of My Heart
Gabriella took her in and took care of her. Amy was inconsolable by the time she got there and even after the days that passed. It felt like years, like several years had gone by, and still shecried.
She always knew she would never be enough for him and that he would get bored of her at somepoint.
That was what her mind told her. But yet, her heart still yearned for him. It told her tobelievehim.
Josh didn’t stop calling her, and every time her phone rang she had to force herself to ignore it. She had to force herself to reckon withtruth.
It didn’t escape her that the only man to tell her that he loved her was the one she just walked away from, and the only one she ever wanted. But that didn’tmatter.
It was a cruel joke onherlife.
That weekend as she looked for apartments her mother called her. At first she thought it was Josh, so she let the phone ring out, but then it rang again and she answered it when she saw it was hermother.
“Heysweetgirl.”
Amy just managed to say hello. After that another round of tears took over and she couldn’t stop crying. Her mother tried to calm her but itdidn’twork.
It took a while for Amy to compose herself enough to tell her what hadhappened.
“I can’t believe I was so stupid.” She dabbed her eyes with aKleenex.
“Amy, calm down, sweetheart. You aren’t stupid. There’s no harm in beingcautious.”
“I saw how Dad affected you and I allowed myself to fall into thesametrap.”
“Amy, listen to me, sweet girl.Youare not me. You are not me.” She didn’t think she’d ever heard her mother sound so firm. “Now tell me again, clear this up for me. Josh said he would never cheat on you, told you he loves you, and you honestly don’t believe him?” When she put it that way it soundedterrible.
“Mama, he was with that Allegra. You don’t understand. That was the woman he was with when I first met him. They were always together. The minute I saw her I remembered what it used to be like and it made me sick.Andshe was naked. What else should I think? What else should Ibelieve?”
“Sweetie, I understand what you’re saying. I do, but I want you to be sure that what you saw was indeed what happened. If it’s as you said then no, you definitely can’t be with him, but it doesn’t make sense to me that he’d chase after you if he didn’tloveyou.”
Amy clutched the phone to the side of her face as she listened. She knew Josh, and knew he didn’t do anything he didn’t wanttodo.
She heard her mother pull in a breath before she continued. “My love, it’s best to be sure with these things, because if there is any question in your mind, honey, if you think even just a little bit that he might be telling the truth, you’ll live to regretleavinghim.”
Amy sucked in a sharp breath and stilled her shaking hands. Her mother always had a way of speaking directly tohermind.
“I don’t know anymore.” She shookherhead.
“Sweet girl, you know, you just can’t see past what happened and you’re scared you’ll become like me. I wish that I could have been a stronger woman and shown you that real love is hard to come by and you should cherish it when you have it. I was foolish and too wrapped up in wishing that your father would come back. What I should have done is move on. You need to ask yourself if you can trust Josh.” She sighed. “And if you can, then youshouldbelieve him. It doesn’t matter if what you saw looked like he was cheating on you with that woman. If you trust him and he said he didn’t, then told you he loved you, then you shouldbelievehim.”
Amy closed her eyes as another wave of tears hit her. In her mind’s eye she traced back all the events that had happened over the last year. A whole year and some months had passed since she’d known Josh. She remembered the first time he kissed her, the time he told her needed her, the time he saved her from those awful men in that disgusting downtown apartment. She remembered how he handled them and got her stuff back, how he said he’d take care of her. Then he made it possible for her to make her dress, gave her somewhere safe to live, saved her mother from sure death, asked her to be his, and…told her helovedher.
All Josh had ever done was show her hisheart.
As she opened her eyes she remembered how he pleaded with her to believe him. He thought she should be able to look at him and know if he was telling the truth. Sheshouldhave, and she knew right now as it all sunk in that hewastelling her thetruth.
“Mama, I’m going to sort this out. You’re right. You’re soright.”
“Good luck,sweetgirl.”
As soon as she hung up, Amy rushed down the stairs. She ran straight past Gabriella and Riley and out into thestreet.
The night air hit her, clearing her head even more assheran.
Sheranhome.
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