Page 67 of Never and Always
He looked at their hands together and lifted his head to meet hergaze.
“There’s a lot, Mia. I don’t know where to start, or if I should start. A part of me thinks it’s easier if I don’t say anything.” He lookedtorn.
“That’s not fair. Nick, you told me you love me, you said you always have, and if that’s true, please don’t shut me out. Please tell me what’s goingon.”
He sighed again. “Glenn…told me to stay away fromyou.”
She sucked in a sharp breath at the revelation. “What? No, no Nick. Why would he do that? Why?” She couldn’tunderstand.
“Mia, he probably had every right to. He gave me the first warning five years ago and I listened the first time, but this time Icouldn’t.”
Mia hands flew up to her cheeks, which were now hot. Hot like she got when she was sick and burning with a fever. She felt sick now, sick to her stomach, and she had to stop herself fromscreaming.
Five years ago! Glenn warned Nick away from her five years ago? She couldn’t believe it, couldn’t accept it, didn’t want to acknowledgeit.
Her brother, who she trusted so truly, had prevented her from being with the one man she’d always loved. He’d been the reason for her deep heartache over the last month, the reason for herunhappiness.
“What are you saying to me, Nick?” She shook her head, still not wanting to believe it, but really, it shouldn’t have been that hard because she knew how Glenn could be. She just couldn’t imagine him being this way with them. “You’re his bestfriend.”
“Was,” Nickcorrected.
“Why wouldn’t he want me to be with you?” It couldn’t have been something so stupid as their age difference. Glenn’s last girlfriend was six months older thanMia.
The worry returned to Nick’s face. “He doesn’t think I’m good for you, and he’s right, I’m not. I have a really bad past…” His voice trailed off into a breath and he turned to rest against the window ledge. His shoulders slumped and he looked defeated. “I got into drugs when I was younger, before I even started college. There were some guys I used to hang out with. Guys who were bad news. My parents tried to stop me from seeing them but I wouldn’t listen. That stubbornness cost me everything, it cost me myfather.”
Mia froze and widened her eyes. “Nick…what do youmean?”
He turned his head slowly to face her and she saw fear in his sharp blue gaze. “It was my fault he was killed, Mia. Myfault.”
“How was it your fault?” She’d been told his father was killed while onduty.
“He died saving me from being shot. He pushed me out of the way and the bullet got him instead. I went to meet up with my friends and ended walking in on a drug bust up. Glenn contacted my dad because he was worried something was going to happen to me. My dad came to get me and that’s what happened to him. It killed him. I killed him.” A small tear ran down his cheek, which he wiped away quickly and stoodup.
Mia couldn’t take her eyes off him. How could he have gone through so much and she didn’t know. She had no idea that had happened. What a thing to live with. But he wasn’tguilty.
He seemed surprised when she reached out and touched hisarm.
“I’m so sorry,” she offered. “I’m so sorry. I wish you had told mebefore.”
He shook his head. “I couldn’t talk about it. I don’t talk about it. My dad was the best man I knew, Mia. He was everything to me, and because I couldn’t listen he ended up suffering for mystupidity.”
“No. Nick, you can’t blame yourself for your father’sdeath.”
“Mia, can’t you see it was my fault?” Surprise filled his face again. “That’s the kind of man I am. Selfish, stubborn, andfoolish.”
She shook her head at him. “You’re the most selfless person I know. You help people, you use your skills and abilities to do your job in a way that makes you an asset. And that’s just a few of the million great things about you. Your father loved you and that’s why he saved you. I know he wouldn’t want you to blame yourself. If it was me, I wouldn’t, and it would kill me all overagain.”
He held her gaze and looked like he hung onto each word with hope. She reached up and touched his face, then pulled him down so she could holdhim.
“Thank you. I just wish it neverhappened.”
“Me, too, but you have to try and move past the guilt. Can you do that forme?”
He pulled away so that he could look at her. “Mia…you still want to be withme?”
“It’s the only thing I’ve ever wanted.” She smiled up at him. “Always.”
“Always.” Gratitude now brimmed within his gaze. Andlove.
