Page 24 of Mailroom Delight
“Paige, I know it’s difficult but ask yourself this. Would Paul want you to live the way you are? Also, for the record I know you don’t just pick up random men and go off to do whatever craziness you feel like.”
God, I was going to cry. The tears were coming. One ran down my cheek.
“I’m so sorry Bernice.” I wiped it away quickly. “I should never have given you that advice.
“Honey, we were both drunk, and it’s on me. I didn’t have to take the advice.”
“I feel so bad.”
“Don’t. Anyway, back to you, again.”
“That is part of the problem. I haven’t been myself. I love my job. It’s everything I could hope for, but I haven’t been true to the people who make the job what it is. My readers.”
“Paige, you’ve been really strong. Forgive me for saying this, but I’m your friend, and since we’re talking about this then I have to be honest with you.” She looked nervous.
I geared myself up to hear what she had to say. “Tell me.”
She pulled in a breath. “I think that the problem lies with the difficulty in letting Paul go. Losing your husband must have been devastating, I can’t even begin to imagine what you must have gone through and must be still going through. But if you’re worried about your advice you have to think about the real problem. I’ve known you long enough to know that your writing comes from emotion, whether it’s your articles or advice. If you aren’t writing with emotion, you’re writing with nothing. You’re just writing what you think people want to hear, and the more far-fetched your advice is, the more attention you get. But that’s not necessarily a good thing.”
Wow. I didn’t realize that Bernice thought all of that.
“I don’t know how to be that person anymore. The person I used to be.”
“You do know.”
She was right. The look she gave me told me everything.
I had to let Paul go.
“It won’t be easy.” She added, then continued, “but you have to try, then you’ll be the woman you used to be. He’d want you to. He knew how much you loved writing and helping people, being an example. So, think about that.”
I nodded at that thought. I’d never thought about it that way before.
I guess I really was going to meet Jason later. I didn’t have a good feeling about what he’d planned, whatever that was, but I’d go if it helped me find myself again.
