Page 16 of Blossoms of the Heart
Then she chose to leave and it crushed me.
“I need to think about it. Need time.”
“Okay.” She pulled in a breath and blinked several times. I reached across the table and took hold of her hands.
“You will be okay, whatever I decide. And, I promise you that we’ll always be friends. When you left, a part of me I can’t get back went with you. I’m trying to see if I can feel that way again.” That was me being real, and meeting her half way. Or at the point I could reach, realistically.
“I really hope you do, Tai. I really do. I made a big mistake when I left you. I should have at least tried to make us work long distance.” A little smile lifted the corners of her mouth. “Do you remember how we used to be?”
That wasn’t something I was likely to forget.
All I could say was that we were crazy in love.
I was crazy about her from the day that I met her. I thought she was different with her passion for writing and thirst for adventure. It wasn’t often people met someone who was exactly like them but yet different enough in all the right ways.
She’d come to Japan on vacation for the summer. She met me when her car broke down on one of the country roads.
I just happened to be passing by on one of my day trips to Kyoto and I towed her into the next town. I got her car sorted out but slipped her my number too. She called me the next day.
We moved fast. Too fast and then it was full speed ahead all the way.
Until we burned out. I wouldn’t pretend that our time together meant nothing to me. It was a part of me. It just wasn’t enough.
“Candace, you’re very career driven and I don’t know what happened to make you leave San Francisco, leaving a job you loved more than me but it could really just be that you lost your zing and zest. When you get that back, the same thing could happen again.”
“I left because the job wasn’t what I expected,” she confessed. “I was embarrassed to tell you because I left you for that job. I thought I was going to travel the world writing about all sorts of things, but I literally got stuck behind a desk and wrote about stuff I didn’t want to write. Freelancing at least gives me some of what I want.” She pulled in a breath. “Tai, I came to Japan to try to win you back.”
I wished like hell I could give her more, maybe some hope but I knew that was the absolute wrong thing to do.
I knew myself. There was a big part of me that had already decided against this and I was just testing the remaining part of myself that would always care for her.
I wouldn’t give her false hope though.
“What if we started with a date?” she added with a hopeful smile.
I sighed. A date was the last thing I wanted. Dating meant being serious and that gave me that trapped feeling again.
I didn’t like anybody coaxing me into a position I wasn’t comfortable in. Not even her.
“I don’t think a date is a good idea.” I looked at her, at the lost look in her eyes and couldn’t bring myself to completely shoot her down.
God, what the fuck? I was supposed to be a better asshole than this. I surely could think of something to tell her that wouldn’t force the issue.
I just couldn’t be an asshole to her.
“How about lunch? Something like this.” I suggested. This meeting of ours was less formal and didn’t come with any expectations.
“Lunch sounds good. When?” She looked scared to ask.
“What if we just play it by ear?” That way I didn’t have to say when. “It’s going to be really busy around the center with our investigation so I don’t know what my schedule will be like.” Better. That made it vague and it wasn’t far from the truth.
We’d be busy but I wasn’t the one doing any form of investigation. I still had my normal activities to carry out. Business and accounts, making the plans and business reports for the current projects and if the need arose, I would go back to the cave with the team. That was me.
I felt bad trying to maneuver her, but I knew myself.
If there was a woman I was interested in there would be no way on this earth that I would be playing anything by ear. I would have arranged something tonight despite what I was doing or how busy I was.
She should have known that about me but she smiled widely like we’d just made progress.
What I didn’t want is to feel bad about anything.
Like right now. I was thinking of when next I’d see Phoebe. I didn’t want it to be at work.
I wanted to catch up with her properly and explore that chemistry I felt so strong today.
