Page 53 of Play of Love
“Don’t.” He shook his head. “Baby, please don’t leave me. Stay,” he said in a soft voice I’d never heard before. He held my gaze and caught the tear that ran down my cheek. “Amy. Please stay. I’m sorry. We’re not at work now. This is just us.”
“I don’t want to impose.”
He took my hand into his, brought it up to his lips, and kissed it.
“No.” He shook his head. “You aren’t. I was completely out of line to speak to you the way I did this morning. I didn’t mean it. Please…stay with me.”
I’d gotten to know this man so well over the last few weeks. In all that time, I didn’t think I’d ever seen him look more guilty or more in need. I nodded and tried to calm myself. I followed as he led me back to the sofa and sat me down. I thought he would sit next to me , but instead he surprised me further by kneeling before me .
“I’m really sorry about this morning.”
“It’s okay.”
He shook his head and took my hands into his again. It was odd, it felt so natural for him to touch me and hold my hands. As if we’d been like this for a lifetime.
“It’s not okay, baby.” And that, calling mebaby.That felt natural too.
He looked down at where our hands joined, and when he looked back at me, my heart broke as I watched his eyes fill with tears.
“Today’s my sister’s birthday,” he managed. “She was an angel, just like you. She would have been thirty-three years old today, and because of me she’s not here anymore.”
I pulled in a breath as I looked at him and listened.
“Josh. You can’t believe that.”
He nodded. “It’s my fault. My fault my mother and my sister aren’t here anymore. My fault.”
My heart clenched as I beheld the pitiful sight of him, and I leaned forward to touch his face.
“Josh. It’s not your fault.” I felt bad again that I hadn’t considered that he might blame himself for his mother and sister’s deaths.
“They were coming to see me. They were coming to watch the game because I insisted. I just thought that it would be a big one because we’d won the Super Bowl two years in a row. I didn’t want them to miss it. I didn’t know that meant never seeing them again.”
As he sobbed I slid down to the floor in front of him and put my arms around him so I could hold him. He held me, too, really held me as if for support.
“It’s not your fault, Josh. You’ll be able to one day, but until then you can’t blame yourself.” That was the best that I could tell him.
He pulled away and looked at me. “It’s so hard.”
“I know, but you can do it.”
He sighed and looked away, over to the window as the curtains blew out against the evening breeze. Josh then returned his gaze to me and took hold of both my hands. “I need to stop drinking, but I think I need help. And I need you. I need you. I can’t do any of this without you.” That was probably the nicest thing anyone had ever said to me. “If you hadn’t gotten me to the show on Friday, they would have cut me from the team. They wouldn’t have wanted to, but they would have had to. That would have been the end of my career.”
I’d never met this version of him before. Seeing him like this made me care even more, and I wanted to help him in whatever way I could.
“You have me.” I smiled and leaned into him as he pulled me within the warmth of his embrace.
“Thank you,” he whispered against my hair as he rested his head against mine.
* * *
Josh
* * *
It was time to face reality.
Time to face the music, as people said.
