Page 93 of Play of Love
I was in love with him, and it terrified me. It terrified me to a great degree and it made me feel quite shaky and insecure.
It would do me no good to play dumb with Myself and even be surprised at my feelings. The path I’d been on could have only led me to this. It could have only led to me releasing the suppressed feelings I’d had for him.
I had been so scared all my life of falling for the wrong guy. When I had first met Josh he’d been the description of all that was wrong, now he was everything I ever wanted and so much more.
That meant he had the ability to hurt me, to break my heart in such a way that I’d never be able to fix it. I saw first-hand what he could be like, and while I knew he seemed to be into me now, what if the day came and he just got bored? Then it would be hello Allegra and bed friends.
“Baby, for the love of God, please tell me why you’re up.”
“Oh no, I’m so sorry. Go back to sleep.”
“I can’t, your thoughts are deafening.” He rolled over on to his back. The feint night light traced the outline of his handsome features, making them look more defined. He sat up and sighed as he looked at me. “Did you have that stupid rat dream again?” he smiled.
Despite my state I started to laugh and sat up too. “How did you know about that?” The other night I’d dreamt of rats running all over me. I didn’t usually talk in my sleep, but it wouldn’t surprise me if I did that time. I despised rats.
“Are you kidding? You thought I was a rat and hit me, twice.”
I continued to laugh and moved over so I was next to him.
“You poor baby, I’m so sorry. I can’t believe I hit you.”
“Well, it wouldn’t be the first time.” He gave me a pointed look and I instantly recalled my intense explosion on the morning of the ESPN show several months ago.
I winced. “I’m sorry about that too.”
“No, I told you not to apologize for that.” He put his arm around me and pulled me closer. “So, what’s wrong?”
Back to my worries. I looked at him, admiring him, and felt my heart reach out to him like it always did. “You should sleep, you have to be up in a few hours. It’s your big day.”
“Baby, I can’t sleep if something is bothering you. Tell me what it is.”
It was the wrong time to talk. Tomorrow was a big day for more than one reason. Yes, it was the first game of the season, but the day after was the anniversary of his mother and sister’s deaths. He’d be thinking about that and I didn’t want to worry him.
“It’s okay, Josh. Honestly. I’ll go get something to drink and you sleep.” I moved to go but he caught the edge of my negligée and took hold of my hand to pull me back to him.
“You don’t get up for drinks. Something’s up. Amy, if you don’t talk to me how will I know if there’s a problem?”
“There isn’t.” There wasn’t a problem for him. I was sure he didn’t love me, and he was right not to allow himself to be love’s fool.
“Amy.” He gave me a pointed look of insistence.
“I was thinking about my mom.”
“Is she okay?”
“She’s fine. Her health is fine. I guess it got to me that she was still looking for my father even though we haven’t seen him in more than twenty years.”
He held my gaze and stared into my eyes. Months ago I’d told him about my father. I didn’t say much, only that my parents weren’t together anymore. Saying more would have revealed my abandonment issues.
“You haven’t seen your dad in over twenty years?” He narrowed his eyes at me.
“No, we don’t have the best relationship.” I didn’t want to talk about this now because he needed to go back to sleep and it was one of those awkward topics for me.
“What happened?” His eyes were filled with concern.
“He…left us. I was barely eight and he came home one day, packed a bag, and drove away with some woman sitting next to him in his car. That’s all I remember, and we had a terrible life because my mom couldn’t always take care of us.”
“Amy.” He straightened up and put his arms out to hold me. “Why didn’t you tell me this before?”
