Page 80 of Art of Love
“Spot on and well-remembered. One of the things I loved most about you is that you listen. That is why I gave you the advantage on the off chance that you’d get it.”
“John, there was a chance that I would have missed that completely. What would have happened then?”
“It’s simple. Neither of you would have gotten the job. I told you both this year was a little different to any other. I would prefer to have no intern at all than one who doesn’t gel well with the company.”
“So... what was it? I would have to ask you to get the answer. That’s what you said, that you’d be able to talk about it one day. Is today that day?” When I thought how eccentric John was, I knew it would be just like him to pull a stunt like this.
In fact, the more I thought about it and looked at him, the more I could see I was right. When he nodded, my heart squeezed.
“Jia, I’m a very private person, but I think when I first met you, I saw a little bit of myself in you. I would never assume to know a person, and when they give no information, sometimes that’s everything you need to know. The only family you ever spoke about was your brother and your niece. It was clear they were everything to you. In get-togethers you never mentioned your mother, father, or anybody else, and I think you know by now that I keep my core team the way they are so we can be close. You were with us for well over a year before you left, but there was always that barrier, even with the ones you got close to.”
He was talking about Stephan, and he was right. What he was saying was right. I never let people in, end of story. That wall came up the other night when Hunter asked me about my father and Christmas.
“I don’t mean to be that way.” I sighed.
“No one does, but things happen to make us more careful with our hearts. We don’t want to go through pain. Certain types of pain are worse than others. For me, it nearly destroyed me, and indeed my life changed forever. So, here is the answer to your question. In 1999, my brother died of a drug overdose.”
I sucked in a sharp breath and gazed at him. “Oh God, John. I’m so sorry... I’m sorry. I...” I didn’t know he’d had a brother.
“He was... well, my father had another family. Let’s just put it that way. He was part of the main family, and I was the bastard child. The outcast who had no one.”
I blinked several times. He could have been talking about me. He could have been talking about me, and he hit a nerve so deep inside me that I could barely breathe.
I was my father’s bastard child. I was the outcast.
John continued talking. “I had nothing growing up, but my mom did her best. My father made it clear to her that he wanted nothing to do with us, and if she ever went near him or his family again, he’d have her arrested for stalking him. It wouldn’t have been hard for him to do something like that because he was a judge. Of course, she stayed away, and she really did try her best for me and took care of me the best way she knew how, but it wasn’t enough. It wasn’t until I was in my late teens that my brother came to find me. He found out about me and wanted to know me. I was a mess back then, getting in and out of all kinds of trouble with the law, but he whipped my ass in gear and started doing for me what my father never did.”
He pulled in a breath and stared down at the patterns on the marble floor.
I watched and listened, eager for him to continue. When he looked back at me, tears glassed his eyes.
“He put me through school and helped me to get what I wanted for myself. There wasn’t a thing he wouldn’t have done for me. Then he met someone. She was a drug addict and got him hooked. I always felt like that was my time to help him, but I couldn’t, and I couldn’t save him. No one could. We used to joke around to Prince’s songs. We were both crazy together. When that1999song came out, I thought it was fitting, but not for celebration because nothing good happened that year; it just reminded me of him. When he died, my world ended, and it took me years to rebuild myself. Mom died well before him, and all I had was my brother. Just like you. I didn’t need you to tell me that. I knew because I saw you in me, and that was why I understood when you left to take care of your niece.”
Tears streamed down my cheeks, and I did my best to wipe them away, but they kept coming.
John got up and handed me a box of Kleenex.
“Thank you for sharing that with me.” I thought I should show how appreciative I was because I knew how difficult it was for him to talk about that.
“You don’t have to thank me, Jia.”
“I still miss him.”
“I miss mine too.”
“It’s unfair. When I think about it, Todd was all I had left. The only person left to take care of me, and I loved him so much. Then he was taken from me, just like that. Then my second love got taken from me.”
“Art.” John offered a kind smile.
“I hate saying it like that because there wasn’t anything Todd wouldn’t do for me. He always made sure he did something every day to make me feel important. We were so poor, and we didn’t have anything, yet he did everything he could to make me see I was special to him. I wasn’t the thing my father called me, or the nothing he made me out to be. Todd would have given his life for me, so it was easy to give up my dreams to make sure my niece got the best too.”
God... I didn’t want to open my heart anymore. The pain I kept there was too much.
John kneeled down and took my hand.
“That doesn’t mean you should be a robot and not feel some form of regret. Jia, when I gave that clue, I honestly didn’t expect you to find it. I hoped you would. I really did, and you did.”
“But that was unfair to Hunter.” My voice was so weak it was barely audible.
