Page 37 of Remember When We
“How about I help with a little. It’s something. Here’s what I want to do. I want to give you a month off with pay on the new ten percent salary increase I’m going to give you. You earned it Lyssa. I’ve been going over the figures and I’m doing so much better than when I first set up five years ago. That’s really thanks to you. I want you to rest, spend time with Matthew, time you should have and for fuck’s sake see how best you can arrange working at the bar. I hate that you work there.”
My hands shook. “Oh God Carla, that’s too much.”
“Stop Lyssa. Take time and when you come back think about what pathways you can take to get your skinny ass in the classroom where you belong. They’re missing one amazing English teacher.”
I released the breath I was holding on to. I had so many dreams of teaching. I didn’t even read anymore. In the past I used to read every day and rotate my favorite classic authors. I loved anything by Shakespeare and Emily Dickinson.
In truth, that person didn’t even feel like me anymore.
“This is too much for you to do.” It was overwhelming and a hit to her pride.
“I’m doing this. And this too.” She pulled out a check and gave it to me.
When I saw the fifteen thousand on it my hands started shaking so much it fell on to the table.
“No, you need this.”
She laughed. “The money for my tits and ass. It turns out Sean likes my tits and ass just the way they are.” She laughed. I laughed too.
“So, the lunch date went well?” I chuckled.
“Lunch turned out to be a five hour long conversation that took us to dinner and then well … it was so late and his place was closer than mine.” She laughed. “In all seriousness though I was going to give it to you anyway.”
“It’s too much Carla. You could do so much for yourself with this. If you wanted to use it for your tits and ass that should be up to you to decide, although I think you’re perfect too. You shouldn’t have to worry about me like this.”
“And yet I am.” A serious expression washed over her face. “The other day was too much Lyssa. The day when Frankie came here, it was too much and I saw how scared you were of him. So, I’m doing this, but I want you to tell me everything. You pay him every month without fail and you never owe him, but yet he comes around. He taunts you like a fucking nightmare. Tell me the whole story.”
I was so ashamed of telling anybody. It was awful to keep it all to myself. I should have told her, but I didn’t because of the whole aspect of it.
As I looked at her, I remembered how I first told her about Gio. I probably should tell her about last night too, but that could wait.
I’d told her when I first started seeing him. She was the only person that knew about us and she kept my secret.
“Dad got himself in four hundred and fifty grand worth of debt, we now owe two hundred and fifty.”
She sucked in a sharp breath and grabbed the edge of the table. “What, no, Lyssa? Tell me it’s not true.”
“It’s true. He did. First it was to buy stock for the bar and then later it was to fund his habits. Then he needed money for medical, because his insurance didn’t cover various things. He didn’t tell me how bad it was. At the time you know I had my place.” I’d managed to get a place for myself and Matthew a few years back. It was my one claim to doing something with my life. “I sold my place and gave over the money. I even gave all my savings. As for the rest of the money, well it’s paid for between me working here and the bar. And if I don’t pay the option is not something I want to contemplate.”
“What is it?”
“He wants me. Frankie wants me.”
It was now she looked shocked. “What are you saying to me? What do you mean he wants you? As in to have ... you can’t own a person.”
“You can. Apparently, you can. He can. I considered it so many times when I found that I couldn’t keep up with this roller coaster. I just thought I’d be the whore and go with him. Then when I truly thought about it I knew in my heart I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t do it Carla and what would happen to Matthew? I doubt he’d want to take me and my son. And if he did … God.”
“Oh Lyssa, God. That is fucked up. Why didn’t you tell me before?”
“I didn’t want you to worry or think badly of me if I failed. Chances are I could fail Carla. I signed a contract and that stopped Frankie from adding anymore to the loan. We just pay each month and I estimated paying him for another three and a half years.” Five grand per month. This fifteen Carla had given me would take that down to three years and three months.
“Jesus Lyssa. I feel terrible that I didn’t know. I feel so bad I didn’t know.”
“Please don’t.”
She gave my hands a gentle squeeze. “If I can help in whatever way I can, even if it’s decreasing your work time and whatever I will. I won’t ask you either, because I know you won’t tell me.”
“Oh Carla. Thank you. Thanks so much.” I would be eternally grateful to her; always.
