Page 47 of Remember When We
“When Marshall died and I went back to Chicago, it was during a time when my friends and I had all seen the very ugly side of death. It’s always ugly, but worse when there’s no justice. It was five of us then. Now there’s only four. We got tattoos of crosses to remember our fallen ones, not just to remember them, but also to remember that we wanted justice in some form. Whether if it was to get vengeance, answers, or fulfill some personal mission. Claudius is the leader and the rest of us became the Four.” As he spoke I knew his was for Marshall. I knew who it was for and I was touched. He then gave me a pointed stare grabbing my attention even more, and as he looked at me it was almost like he could read my thoughts. “That was how those guys recognized me at the bar. They knew of me, because of the mark; the cross. I wear my cross for Marshall.”
“Marshall.” I whispered. I thought it was beautiful that he’d done that.
“Yeah. I can’t explain how I felt losing him Lyssa. I can’t even try. There are no words, because it doesn’t feel real. It happened so long ago and yet I still feel numb. I remember hearing the news from Paul and dropping the phone. It’s like I haven’t been the same guy since.”
“Me too.” It was years late, but this was us getting the chance I’d always wanted to grieve together. “Me too.” I nodded.
“A lot has happened since then. But I’m still that guy.”
“Those men knew to be scared of you, and I … I never even thought about it” I breathed. Sure, I was busy, but I thought I’d know something like that. “They knew of you from the in between, but I … knew nothing.”
“Different world Lyssa. Not a good one, and not bad either.” Something dark flashed in his eyes that almost scared me. “Dark, and not the kind of place a girl like you would know about.”
“Chicago, is that what it’s like there?” Christ. He was talking about the mafia. “Are you a mobster Gio?”
The darkness came back again. “Yes.”
Something stilled inside me. I shouldn’t have been surprised and yet I was a little thrown off kilter. His father was one so why wouldn’t he be? All those years of going backwards and forwards, to and from Chicago was just that. It felt like it was prep for something big.
“Don’t be scared of me Baby Doll, I won’t let anything happen to you. And don’t ask me if I haven’t thought of leaving. I already did. Still I would be sitting on my ass and watching shit happen to people I care about and not doing anything about it. Don’t ask me to be a cop either.” He chuckled. “I fucking hate cops.”
“Can you, just be you?”
“I definitely can be that baby. Just don’t confuse who I am and what I am. It’s not one and the same. Can you promise me that?”
I nodded and I knew that it was like agreeing to the fact that I wanted to go there and have a life with him. Which was better, the life I had here? Or Chicago?
The life I had here where I was under the thumb of Frankie Santora, capo to the Santora family. Here where I had to fight my own battles and not winning. Always struggling just to get by.
I hated when that man touched me. Touching me like I was his and it made me sick.
“I promise. I promise.” I nodded holding his gaze. I touched his face and kept my eyes trained on him. “Is Marshall why you came back?” I thought about what he had said and it was all sounding like that to me; for justice and vengeance. Did he come back for vengeance?
It was in his eyes. Death was in his eyes.
“Baby doll let’s save it for when your dad wakes. I appreciate you’ve been waiting. I would go nuts waiting, but this is something I need to get off my chest once. I don’t want to be worked up when my boy wakes up. I don’t want him to see me like that. Plus I want this.” He motioned from me to him and smoothed his hand across my hair and onto the back of my head. “I want this with you. I know you have questions and I owe you answers. Answers you won’t like but it has to be like that for a little longer. Do you think we could just be those people we were eight years ago? Like none of this stuff happened and we really were just sealing the gap?”
I smiled at him wanting that too. “Yes. I want that.”
It didn’t matter, nothing mattered. I decided that I could step over the years and fall back into the woman I was when he left.
At the sound of shuffling feet on the stairs I kissed him, lingering on his lips for as long as I could until I heard footsteps at the door.
Chapter 14
Lyssa
It was Matthew.
We pulled apart before he opened the kitchen door and came in.
Nerves filled me, because I didn’t know what I was going to tell him. This was a conversation I didn’t think we’d ever be having.
Thethis is your fatherconversation, I just always thought I’d have to make up something for when that time came.
We’d had three Father’s Days where he was aware of what the day meant and even asked me if he had one. The one before last broke my heart when he thought he’d done something wrong and that was why he didn’t have a father. I told him that his father lived in a distant land far away and it was what I told Gio last night. I’d never thought I could be one of those women who told their kids that their father had died. I just thought it was best to leave the floor open by being vague until I had to be specific.
It had also helped too with now, because we agreed we’d play it by ear with how today went. It should be me who would tell Matthew that Gio was his father. However, we thought we’d go with the flow and he wouldn’t find out today. Gio just wanted time with him. Time to interact with his son that was different to yesterday.
