Page 21 of Remember When We
God, it was like reality just shook and stole that last shred of hope that I had.
Gio walked away, not looking back.
He walked away. I knew why he didn’t retaliate. It was obvious, clear as the water in the Crystal Spring.
He blamed himself for Marshall’s death too.
* * *
Another two weeks passed. The time was spent with me organizing the funeral. Me, all by myself organizing the funeral.
I couldn’t believe I had to do it.
Dad only got worse. He stopped eating and confined himself to his room.
He’d lost so much weight in that time, his suit looked too big for him.
All that time Gio stayed away. He actually stayed away; from us, away from me.
My poor heart couldn’t stand it. All of it was too much.
I was nineteen years old and I felt more like ninety-one. My body ached with the grief that assailed me. I didn’t know how I managed to get myself to the church or stand up in front of all those people, friends, and family to give the eulogy.
I imagined Gio sitting with me, but he was at the back. He sat at the back of the church and never once looked at me.
All the people I wanted to see me, were purposely shutting me out and I was shutting down. Keeping me mountains apart from them when I was screaming inside for comfort.
The coffin was inches away from me. Because of the way Marshall’s body had been mangled and riddled with bullets we’d had it closed. It was all like one of those surreal paintings. Strange and dreamlike, like I was going through the motions, but not really here.
It all hit me hard at the cemetery as they laid him to rest. My uncle had to comfort Dad. Dad was so distraught he had to be taken away.
The last people standing at the gravesite was Gio and me. We were standing side by side not saying anything, just looking on at the freshly laid dirt on top of the grave with flowers everywhere.
We stood there for hours, hours until finally he took my hand and led me to his car.
Then not talking he dropped me at home in silence.
It wasn’t until I got inside and up to my room that the tears came. Tears I should have cried throughout the day flooded my cheeks. Tears I should have cried as I watched the pallbearers carrying Marshall’s coffin, tears that should have happened at the church, and more tears I should have cried at the grave side.
I cried and cried, but there was no one to comfort me.
Earlier when I’d gotten out of the car with Gio, I knew I’d lost him. He’d driven off and didn’t look back. I’d lost him and Dad just left me at the cemetery. Left me in his distress, left me there to find my way home when I was so weak.
A day passed and I had to find Gio.
I just needed to hear what he was planning, hear what he was feeling.
When I got to his house, I found him in his garage packing up all his stuff.
I walked right in, he stopped packing the box on his work top to look at me.
“Where are you going?” I asked. I didn’t mean to sound so demanding, but I’d had enough of being ignored and avoided.
“I’m leaving.”
I was used to him going off to Chicago, but he never usually said it like that. We’d been together for just over two years, seeing each other in secret. Keeping that secret from Dad and Marshall. Always, when Gio went away, he’d tell me where he was going, when he was coming back, and that it wasn’t really that long until we next saw each other.
“Are you going to Chicago?”
