Page 54 of One Last Time?
I wasn’t okay at all. I wasn’t and hadn’t been since Tommy died. It was a constant struggle to try to be like him and fill his shoes, and it was a constant struggle to not lose myself. A person could change their bad habits, but it didn’t mean they had to lose themselves.
I’d fallen for Taylor, and to me, she was for keeps. I was serious about her, and no one was going to give me a fucking ultimatum and tell me I couldn’t be with her.
No way.
I’d been here all morning, packing.
I knew she wouldn’t know what I was doing or planning because I’d just left her. Snuck out while she was sleeping. To her, that was what it looked like. Truthfully, I’d left at the time because I didn’t want to break the magical experience we’d shared with anything that wasn’t related to us.
I’d made my choice the moment I kissed her. It was just that this part was hard because I loved my father too.
The door to my office opened, and he came in. He walked in with a worried look on his face and looked around at the boxes, shaking his head.
“What are you doing, Dylan?” He furrowed his brows.
“What does it look like, Dad?”
“No…”
“I’m leaving.” I sighed. Saying it out loud like that felt weird, but right.
“Dylan, this wasn’t what I wanted.”
“Dad, you basically told me if I wanted to keep seeing the woman I love, I had to leave.”
Shock registered on his face. Again, I’d revealed to him something I never thought I would and told him something I should have told Taylor first.
“You love her?” he asked.
“Yes, I do, and I’m not going to allow you to push me around and make me feel like shit because I’m not Tommy. Yes, surprise, surprise, I’m not him. I’m Dylan. The other son. The one you got stuck with, and I’m done with feeling like you wish I’d died and not him.”
Dad actually looked shocked. “Son, how can you say such a thing?”
“It’s true. I’m saying it because it’s true. I see it in your eyes. You miss him, we all miss him, but to you he was everything. I made mistakes in the past, and you think it’s okay to condemn me and make me jump through every hoop known to man to win your trust. I can’t do it anymore, and definitely not when you think you can dictate to me who I should be with.”
“Dylan, no… I didn’t know you felt that way. Not any of it. I don’t want you to leave. I… said stuff I definitely shouldn’t have said when we last spoke, but I was furious.”
“I understand, and that’s my bad because I should have come to you before Saturday and told you what was happening.” I would take full responsibility for that. “But I told you, I told you straight up, and realistically, it doesn’t matterwhenI told you. What matters is, I told you I was serious about Taylor, and you refused to believe me. I hope you believe me now.” I hoped he did even though this wasn’t some show to get him to see things my way. I was serious. Me leaving was serious.
I sighed, picked up my box, and moved to the door. It was time to go. Time to go and be this different guy I’d become and take charge. Be responsible.
Be responsible and do the first right thing I’d done in weeks by telling Taylor how I felt. No more airy vagueness where she was left assuming what we were supposed to be. She deserved more than that, and I wanted more than that.
“Dylan, please…” Dad begged. “I need you.”
It was the desperation that echoed in his voice that stopped me.
I stopped and turned back to him. He walked toward me.
“I need you… not for the company’s sake. But you. Please don’t walk away thinking I wished it was you who died instead of Tommy. The day we got the call about the accident, I was devastated that Tommy had died. You can’t imagine what that feels like as a parent. Devastation and hopelessness, but at the same time I was grateful I didn’t lose you too.” He pressed his lips together and sighed.
Since this was the first time we’d spoken like this, he definitely got my attention. We didn’t talk about the accident. We didn’t talk about what caused it. We didn’t talk about how I felt after. And I never told anyone except Parker how I blamed myself for the whole occurrence.
It was left out in the open for all of us to deal with. Neither of my parents took the time to talk to me. Dad spoke of devastation. I was there when it happened. I saw the drunk driver. I saw him crash into us. He came for us on Tommy’s side of the car. I was the last person to be with him alive. The last person to hear his voice, to hear his scream of anguish, of death. No one would know how I felt about that because even if they asked, I wouldn’t have been able to describe it in its full context.
“Please,” Dad added, “don’t leave me like this.”
“It’s a lot, Dad. A lot at work here that has been festering. It’s been eighteen months now since Tommy died, and I changed so much. I changed big time because I realized I needed to because if I didn’t, I’d never be more than what I was. I wanted to be more, and he would have wanted me to be more too. This whole year, I wanted you to see me and not look at me as the replacement. I take full responsibility for my actions in the past, and I know you would have fired my ass a long time ago if I were a regular employee. But I hoped you would give me a chance as your son.”
