Page 80 of Auction Time
There was a look of determination in his eyes that gripped me more than anything because I’d never seen it before.
He took my hands into his and held them.
The numbness was screwing with my thoughts because if I was at my normal self and health, I would have asked him what he was doing here. Even if my heart was so happy to see him it was doing somersaults, I would have still asked the question.
“Vanessa,” he began and tightened his grip on my hands.
“Cole, if this is one of your visits to screw with my mind, please save it. Not today. Just leave me. Just leave me alone.” That was the most words I had strength for because the last time I saw him had been so awful.
It was clear he felt bad, and if he was here to give me more of an explanation of why he couldn’t give me what I needed, I didn’t want to hear it.
“It’s not, and I’m sorry. I’m sorry for everything.” He nodded.
A tear ran down my cheek. “As usual, I can’t tell what you mean. I don’t know what you’re sorry for. The last time, you apologized for being with me. Do you know how horrible that made me feel?”
He hung his head, and when he returned his gaze to me, the determination I’d seen was even stronger.
“I thought I was doing the right thing for you. When you were sixteen and you came to me that night, I turned you away because I wasn’t good enough for you.”
My jaw actually dropped. “What?”
He nodded. “I wasn’t good enough for you Vanessa, and I thought you could do better. I thought a better guy than me should be the one to take something as precious as your innocence from you. That’s the truth.”
“You thought you weren’t good enough to be with me?” I couldn’t believe it, and if this were months ago, I wouldn’t have believed him. If he’d said something like this to me before we got together, I would have thought he was joking around.
“Vanessa, you’re a good person. One of the best I know. You always were. To me, you were an angel. This pure being of goodness that I couldn’t have, as much as I wanted you.”
“I can’t believe that’s what you thought,” I gasped.
He nodded. “And it’s the same thing again. I’ve done so many crazy things in my life. The bet with Denver was shit, Vanessa. It wasn’t anything, and it wasn’t done in the way he made it sound. I was just looking for more of an excuse to be with you. Any excuse, and damn, did I ever shove my foot through the door when I found out about the article. It was killing several birds with one stone. All of that was just an excuse. When I saw you again after so many years, I wanted you all over again, and that part of me pushed through everything else that was true about me.” He stopped and pulled in a deep breath. “All that stuff online is true. All of it, and maybe there are a lot of similarities between me and my father, but I’m not him. I’m not him because I don’t want to be.”
I smoothed my fingers through his. “You’re you,” I told him. “Cole, I read that stuff online for myself. I did. It wasn’t like it was some secret, and I’m not blind; I saw all that was going on, but to me all that stuff wasn’t the man I saw when I looked at you. All of that stuff wasn’t the guy I was with.” That was why I’d pursued anything with him. “Of course, I was scared at first, but not enough to stop me from being with you. The bet pissed me off. I won’t lie about that, and I won’t pretend that what Denver said didn’t faze me. He talked about everything I was scared of. It was like he could read my mind. But what hurt more was you telling me you couldn’t give me what I needed because it was like you were confirming what he said. I don’t know what it was you thought I needed, but I just needed you.”
Now his eyes filled with tears, and they spilled down his cheeks, mingling with the shadow of his beard.
“You have me… All of me. Every part of me and what makes me, me. It’s yours. Always has been. It’s all I have to give. And my love. I love you,” he breathed, and the numb feeling that had taken residence in my soul for the last few days lifted. His words set me free and unlocked my heart. “I love you, Vanessa Cartwright. That was what I should have told you a long time ago.” He brought my hands up to his lips and kissed my knuckles.
I smiled at him, relishing the warmth that glowed from deep in my soul from the beauty in his words.
“I love you too, Cole. I do.” It was nice to finally tell him.
He released my hands and touched my face. “Thank you. I feel honored to hear that. Vanessa… I don’t want you to do better than me. I want to be the better you deserve.” A serious expression washed over his face, and he looked down at my stomach. My breathing stilled when he touched my stomach and ran his hand over the flat surface.He knew. I didn’t know who told him, but he knew.
My mind ran on Gage. Gage who’d been with me right from I did the pregnancy test and watched me fall apart. While my sisters were all there and everyone was milling around me to help in the days that followed, Gage saw how broken I was. How crushed I’d been, and it wasn’t purely from the shock of finding out I was pregnant. It was also from losing Cole.
Gage would have been the only person I knew who’d intervene and make that step to tell him.
“You know…” I spoke barely above a whisper.
“I know.” He nodded. “And I want to be the kind of father this baby deserves. Most of all, I want to be the guy to make you happy for the rest of your life. That is all I want. Can you give me a chance to try?”
“Yes.” The answer would always be yes. “Yes, Cole.”
He pulled me into his arms and held me close to his heart.
He’d always talked about me being his. I’d felt it many times.
This was the first time he felt like mine.
