Page 69 of Not Before Game Night
I was speaking the same words that filled my mind when Vanessa came to me nearly eleven years ago now.
I’d thought she could have been with someone better than me.
“I know.” She smiled. “Cole. I know. But choice is a funny thing. It means whatever it means on a very subjective induvial basis. For you… please don’t allow the fear of something to guide you. You’ll regret it, Cole. All I have to do is look at you, and I can see just how much your Vanessa means to you, and that didn’t just come today. There’ll be a point where you’ll reach a limit and you either take the next step or not.”
Her gaze clung to mine.
I couldn’t refute her words because I felt that Vanessa and I reached that limit last night. It had felt strange to ask her for another painting earlier when there was so much emotion roiling within me to say more.
We’d reached a limit where something different had to happen. And I had the feeling the damn ball was in my hands. No one to pass it to like out on the field.
The game was all in my hands, and I could win or lose.
“Nothing can go on as it is forever,” Mom added. Her smile widened. “Cole, you are not like your father. You shouldn’t worry about becoming like him or let the worry of that stop you from telling this woman how you feel. You should just tell her.”
She hit the nail with the hammer. Right on the head. Straight to the point. I was worried about doing something to hurt Vanessa. Disappointing her in any way.
In my usual way, I went through the motions but never thought about what was happening as I did so.
Could I really tell her how I felt?
I’d done such a great job so far of keeping everything vague and light. But Mom was right; nothing could go on as it was forever.
And definitely not when your heart wanted change.
* * *
I thought about the choices before me for the rest of the day.
While I didn’t zone into autopilot during the meeting, I contemplated the best course of action. I was thinking about what I’d done over the last few months.
All this time I’d been with Vanessa, I was sure to shit people had seen the change in me.
There was a while back before we’d started dating when it was just sex, but really it wasn’t. I’d wanted people to see that we were together, and I made that happen. We hadn’t been together for long, but it was long enough.
She saw too that I was always with her. Every chance I got.
The only thing I hadn’t done was put a damn label on us. Except for that time when the papers called her my girl. That was them though, not me. Not officially.
I’d never met anyone who I had to introduce her to as such because everyone I knew already knew her. Even Mom.
Regardless, maybe the correct next step was to tell her how I felt and ask her properly to be my girlfriend.
My girlfriend…
I’d never actually had a girlfriend, and truthfully, I’d never been in any form of long-term relationship. They just weren’t me. I thought I could start with that. Small steps that could help me see how far I got.
Footsteps sounded in the locker room as I was packing up my stuff to go. The echo came closer to where I was.
I thought it was one of the guys, but the sound was too light to be one of them.
I was surprised to see Jayne come around the corner. Denver’s Jayne.
And her eyes were red, like she’d been crying.
She brightened when she saw me, although the sadness remained in her eyes.
I hadn’t seen her since before Christmas. We’d met a bunch of times before, and she always talked to me. Never in a locker room though. Women didn’t tend to venture down here, only in exceptional circumstances.
