Page 55 of The Sting of Love
I chuckle. “Isn’t he always?”
Alex smiles. “Yeah, but was he mad at you?”
“Not so much.”
“Good, well, he’s calmed, then.”
I nod. When I spoke to Claudius last night, he was furious that I hadn’t checked in and alerted him and the other guys of the situation. That was me again slipping up because my mind was on Willow. He was mad that he had to hear what was happening from Gibbs and not me. He was also mad because I didn’t call for backup. Gibbs was worried because I just took off.
“This is all shit, Alex. I never thought a little over a week on the job would land me in shit so deep I can’t see my way out,” I say, gazing out to the shoreline. The sun is bright in the sky, casting a glow over the marina. The weather and the perfection of the day conflicts with the inner turmoil that rages within me.
“That’s the way of the job, Donny,” Alex replies.
I don’t think he would be so quick to associate my situation with the job if he knew everything. I study his expression. I know he’s curious. He’s been curious since yesterday when we first saw each other, and he’s waiting for me to elaborate and tell him more.
I should tell him because there’s so much going on in my mind I can’t think straight. That’s what happens when you don’t know what to do and when you have no leverage. I’m being hunted, and I’m just left out in the open waiting for an attack.
“I didn’t expect things to go so wrong so quickly. And it’s like it’s everything,” I state.
“It is everything because people were taking advantage of the whole outfit here. Mario and friends. The problem was trusting the wrong guys. You’ll do better. It’s… always complicated too when women get involved.” I look at him, and the curiosity is more evident. “You gonna tell me anything more about this woman called Willow?” he adds.
I’m on edge, and the worst time to talk about my feelings is when I’m in a state of flux.
Apart from the fact that I got her involved and told her things she shouldn’t know, I don’t want to talk about her at all. I’m trying to unravel what I feel for her, and it’s not happening. Aside from Pa clearly seeing how I feel about her, talking about her to Alex will jar me.
“Do we have to talk about her?” I ask. Alex is one of my closest friends, so he’ll know straightaway the mood I’m in is not the kind to push. But because he can be a real prick sometimes, especially when he’s curious, he’s gonna push. I can see it in his eyes, and I just made it worse with my secrecy.
“Who is she? What is she to you?” he prods.
I sigh. “A woman I met in the club the night we spoke to Mario,” I answer. “The doll by the bar with the body of a goddess.”
Damn it.I remember saying those words. I didn’t know her then, didn’t even know her name.
“And you got involved with her?” He raises a brow.
“Yeah… I did.”
“Not like you to getinvolved. She must be something special.”
“She was. She is. She’s one of those women you watch from afar and you know you should resist, but you can’t resist the temptation to be with them.”
He bites back a smile. “I have one like that, Donny. My girl was a fed, remember?”
I remember, but it was different for him. His wife knew who he was long ago and accepted who he was. They were on and off for nine years. She chose him, and he chose her. It’s not the same for me.
“I know… but I think my situation is a little different. My girl didn’t have a clue what I was. We… were never supposed to be anything more than a fling,” I explain. Those were my thoughts when I first saw her. I just wanted her one time—until I touched her, and that was it for me. Alex listens with interest. “She’s an artist. She loves landscapes and everything beautiful. She should be with a guy who can at least give her the normal vanilla life.”
Even her prick of an ex was better than me. What I did was worse than how he treated her. He never put a target on her back. All he did was break her heart. I put her life at risk, and most likely her aunt’s. If I really thought Lurlene was safe and out of the woods, I wouldn’t have sent Lois and Saul to watch her like hawks. They won’t let anything happen to her— even if the wind blows the wrong way, they’ll let me know.
“You sound like you’re really into her,” Alex observes.
“I am, but that doesn’t matter… I think to be in charge of business like this and live the way we do, we have to know when to let certain people go if you …” My voice trails off. I can’t say it. Not that word. I fell for her and didn’t even realize I’d fallen and hit the fucking ground.
I run a hand over my chin and my two-day stubble prickles my fingers.
Now he tenses because he knows where I’m going with this conversation.
“I guess I’m beginning to see why Amadeo made a threat like that. He hits where it hurts most,” Alex surmises.
