Page 78 of The Sting of Love
“You make me proud boy. I remember when I served Raphael Rossi and I worked hard but never imagined we’d ever climbed so high up the ladder. My father pushed me too the same way I push you to work hard and show your trust and loyalty. My thanks to Claudius for choosing you for this opportunity.”
“Thank you father.”
It’s official. I’m in charge now, even with the Mario situation. Alex gave the word and what followed was Claudius’ seal of approval.
The set up will be like in Chicago and I have to get my own men here. The first thing I did was call my father and ask him to act as my consigliore. My most trusted advisor. Since Lois and Saul have always followed me they’ve agreed to split their time between Chicago and Sicily.
I’m in charge now. That means I have to continue in my pursuit to sort out the messy situation and establish who else might be screwing with us.
I’m proud of myself too for what I’ve achieved. This was what I worked for. Recognition of my strengths and abilities. I achieved the goal and I should at least have a glass of wine to celebrate but I can’t. I’m thinking of the girl I want and shouldn’t have.
“I’m proud of you and happy to serve in any way possible,” Pa says.
“And you thought you’d start tonight?” I quirk a brow and stare on at him.
He gives me a wide toothy grin and his gaze falls on the painting Willow did.
He stares at it for a few seconds and returns his gaze to me. “Beautiful, no?”
“Si padre. Yes. It’s as beautiful as the creator.”
“I agree. My visit tonight at this hour is to check on you. I know we spoke on the phone earlier but sometimes I just want to check on my son in person to see how he’s doing, especially when I sense that he’s conflicted.”
“I’m fine,” I answer, brushing off his concerns.
“Ah ugh… you are not fine so do not tell me such things.”
“Okay Pa, what do you think is wrong with me?”
“You know as well as I do what is wrong. Donatello, how can you love a woman like that and let her go? You just let her go and that’s it?”
He hasn’t spoken to me about Willow yet so this conversation doesn’t surprise me. What does surprise me is his insistence despite all that’s happened.
“Pa… you know I did the right thing. You know I did. I screwed up, fucked up big time by getting involved in the middle of trouble and then putting her life in danger.”
“We’ve had this conversation before son. What I want you to do is really think about what you’re doing. She… she saw the darkness of our world and didn’t run from it. She felt strongly enough for you to look past it. We can’t change who we are, and when we try to changewhatwe are, who we are will always resurface. The only thing you can do is be true to yourself. That means not missing out when opportunities present themselves. Not missing out on a chance at love.”
“I hear you and I get it. Pa,” I stop myself. I don’t know how he can speak like this after what happened to my mother. “You can tell me all of this after what happened to Ma? You never remarried and it’s been years. It’s been over twenty years. You remained single and never got close to any woman who tried to get close to you.”
“I won’t dispute that Donny. I don’t. That was my personal choice because your mother was the love of my life. I know I could try to be close to another, but for me it’s always been her, and it always will be.”
I’m touched to hear that. I’ve always been fascinated with the way my parents loved each other. Always and even now. It’s touching to hear him talk about my mother as the love of his life.
“I love that you loved her so much, but do you ever blame our way of life for taking her from you?” That’s a question I’ve wanted to ask him for a long time.
His eyes become glassy. “Every damn day. Not a day goes by when I don’t blame myself for what happened. But we both chose each other. I would have never been with anybody else and she was adamant that she had to be with me. I loved her Donny and she was mine. Guilt will always be in my soul, but I don’t regret loving her and being with her. I never regret the life we had and the beautiful, beautiful memories and children we shared. Loving her was worth all that came to us. That is what I want for you. If you live like this you allow real love to pass you by and you will be alone and unhappy for the rest of your life. I can tell you now that you will never forget Willow.”
His words burn straight through me and I almost despise them. “How can you say that to me?”
“Because, I know you. I know you more than you know yourself sometimes. Food for thought.” He says and tips his head. The smile returns to his face. “I won’t keep you. Try to get some rest. Been a long week…. I guess I’ll see tomorrow at some point.”
“Yeah…see you tomorrow.”
I watch him go and I think of his words. It’s been three days since I last saw Willow and she still feels like mine.
What should I do? Pa is right, I won’t forget her. I won’t.
The phone on the desk rings snapping my attention to it. The damn thing never rings. Not while I’ve been here. The little staff that remain here know to call me on my cellphone. I answer it and tense when I hear a deep chuckle on the other end of the line.
