Page 23 of Double Edged Hearts
Chapter Six
Cora
I left just after the sun came up.
Just like the past I woke in Alex’s arms and while I felt like staying there, the dawn of the new day brought with it my fears.
Fear.
That’s the enemy here,mybiggest enemy. I’m afraid to love him because I know what loving him means.
I’m afraid to be like my mother.
I’m afraid to walk the path she walked and set myself up for a fall.
So while I spent the night making love to the only man I’ve ever given my heart to, I knew fear would come back to haunt me the minute the sun came up.
Alex is right, I do trust him. I just don’t want to.
The reason for that is I can’t trust myself.
I can’t trust myself or my heart because that’s what my mother did. I’m like her in so many ways so I know that’s what she did when she decided to marry a man like my father.
A gangster… a criminal.
Yes, it’s true. That’s what he was. I never saw him that way though. As such that’s not how I described him, not even in my mind. To me he was just Dad.
The thought of them… the two of them, sends a shiver down my spine. I’m always conflicted when I think of them because I loved my parents with all my heart. At least I did until I found out what my father did.
It’s just gone seven, and I’ve been back at the apartment for a little while now, sitting by the window gazing out at the Chicago skyline.
I’m waiting for him. For Alex. I left the door open, hoping that when he wakes he’ll come after me.
I know him so well that I know he’ll come. He’ll certainly feel the need to after the way we were last night. Everything we did was more intense than we’ve ever been. It was like we couldn’t get enough of each other, and at the same time like we were scared to be without each other.
He touched me in a way that made me think he was trying to commit me to memory. So me walking out again is going to be something that will grate him.
It takes another half an hour before footsteps sound in the living room. They’re his. I recognize them. They’re powerful and demanding, always in control.
I stand up when he enters the bedroom. I probably look like shit from the tears staining my cheeks, but I can’t care about that now.
His red eyes hold me in place, filled with fury, and his handsome face looks pale.
“We can’t live like this, Cora,” he begins, jumping right into the heated conversation I anticipated.
“No… we can’t,” I agree.
I’ve already gone through all our problems in my mind, and came up with an answer that will fix things once and for all. I have it, but I’m going to have to tell him more than I have. I’m going to have to tell him everything, the full story of why I left him and why I can’t be with him.
“Cora, what do you want?” he demands. He stares me down waiting for an answer.
“I can’t have what I want,” I reply, summoning the energy to talk.
“What do you want?” His voice rises with each word.
“You…” I answer weakly, and a tear runs down my cheek.
“I want you too, so why do we keep doing this? Whyarewe doing this?”
