Page 29 of Double Edged Hearts
The way she explained what happened made me think she was instinctively leaving out parts of the story. Like why Richard suddenly decided to tell her the truth when he did. I’m not stupid. I figured his confession must have been geared at something. My gut tells me he must have figured out that we were seeing each other.Prick. I can’t blame him though, or her.
She just wants a normal life and he wants her to be with someone who can give that to her. That’s not me.
That’s it in a nutshell, and if I love her the way I say I do, I should want better for her.
I’m just being a selfish bastard because I don’t want her to do better with some other guy. I still want it to be me. What I’m doing though is respecting her wishes and her decision.
I respect that she thinks she’d be happier without me in her life, so I should stay out of her way and allow her to be happy.
As the trickle of rain drips on to my arm the hum of a motorcycle engine makes me look over my shoulder.
There’s a lone biker dressed in full black riding down the path leading from the gates. It’s Donny. I recognize his bike. The black Kawasaki Ninja H2R we ordered from Japan last month.
He gets closer, stops by the tree nearby and takes off his helmet. He scans over my full black attire and gives me a look of sympathy before he gets off the bike and joins me.
I just look at him, surprised, shocked even because this is the first that anybody’s come.
“Donny…” I say and he gives me a curt nod.
“Thought with all the shit happening you could do with having someone here today,” he answers and for the first time I see how much he values our friendship.
I raise my fist and bump it with his. He then gives me a reassuring pat on my shoulder.
“Thank you. I…thank you,” I answer.
“Don’t mention it.” He looks to the grave and sees the rose. When he returns his gaze to me he sighs. “That there again?”
I narrow my eyes. I wasn’t aware that he’d ever come here before. Certainly not enough to take note of the rose.
“Yeah. How many times have you been here to remember it?” I ask.
“Three and today makes four. Somehow I knew it wasn’t you. Am I right?”
“It’s not me,” I answer.
“Do you know who it is?”
“No. I don’t suppose I will either. I’m not sure I want to. Some things are best left in the dark.”
“Yeah. You’re probably right. I came in the past. Much as I want to hate him I remember how he saved me from death in a bar fight,” Donny says. That’s the first time he’s mentioned that to me.
“Really?”
“Yeah. I was drunk. I found out a doll I was really into cheated on me with JoJo De Lucca, so I thought I’d be the big man and kick his ass.” He smirks.
That guy is dead now. Someone hired a hit on him. It was a real messy one and the fuckers cut him up and buried his body parts all over Chicago. We all suspected it was an inside job because when he was alive nobody would mess with him. I don’t know why Donny went after him by himself. Drunk or not.
“What happened?” I ask.
“Jude played a game of Russian Roulette and won my life back for me. Said you’d be mad at him if he allowed one of your friends to die.” Gratitude fills his eyes and he glances down at the grave while I continue to stare at him.
Damn…sometimes I don’t know how to feel. There’s always a war raging inside me.
“He had his good points Alex, but fuck…the bad wiped it out.” Donny looks back to me. “I think it’s okay to remember the good things.”
“I’m not sure I should remember anything. Maybe it’s best if I just forget. And I mean forget him completely. Like he never existed. Stop coming here, maybe. It doesn’t do me any good,” I reply.
Donny sighs. “I think you would feel worse. That’s why you come. You already know you don’t need to. You already know you don’t have to. But you come because you were brothers.”
