Page 42 of Double Edged Hearts
“Alex, you fucker, what did you do?” Claudius bellows.
This must be about yesterday. Someone must have been watching me when I gave Cora the information.
“I’m being watched. Claudius, Cora’s in danger,” I answer, wiping away the blood trickling down the side of my lip.
“Fuck you. Alex, she’s a fed. She made her choice, and it wasn’t you. You killed your brother for me, and that day I knew I could trust you with my life.” Claudius glares at me, and I stare back, shaken and tense, conflicted. “We are a unit, and we have no secrets. What the fuck did you do?”
“I gave her information.”
“You used our resources to help the feds?” he flares, eyes blazing.
“I was helping her. You would do the same thing if it was your girl.”
He shoves me hard and I stumble backwards. This time, I don’t take it. I rush him, and we both grab each other.
“You motherfucker, she’s not your girl. She doesn’t want you. She didn’t choose you Alex. What the fuck is wrong with you?” he barks in my face and it feels like another blow. “Come on, kid! Go on, beat the shit out of me. Do what you need to get it out of your system.”
I release him and bite down hard on my back teeth.
“You think it’s that easy?” I throw back.
“Alex. I will die right beside you in battle.” Claudius points at me and the others stare on. “You are like a brother to me. I will die next to you in battle if that is what I must do, but you tell me what it is I’m fighting for. Tell me what I’m risking my life for. Their lives…” He motions from Dante to Gio.
His words grip me. “I don’t want you to die for me, not any of you,” I answer in defiance.
“Fuck you. You fucking prick. That’s not how this works, Alex. We always have each other’s backs, you know that. The concept is sacred to us because every time we do that we put our lives and our family at risk. I have a little girl.” His voice quivers. “She’s three, and my wife is pregnant. You want me to put their lives at risk because you can’t let go of a woman who doesn’t want to be with you? Dante and Gio have two kids each.Babies. Think about what you’re doing before you act and do shit that could kill us all.”
Guilt courses through me, clawing at my insides as I look at each of them. There’s not a damn thing I can say because Claudius is right. I was careless.
“I’m sorry,” I answer and he shakes his head.
“I told you the other day that I won’t put my people in danger,” Claudius states. “You see her again, and I’ll assume you’ve made a choice, and the choice isn’t us. You see her again, and you’re out. We won’t risk our lives and our families for your delusion. You hear me, Alex? It’s us or her. Capisce?”
I’m listening. I’m listening real good because this is the wakeup call I probably needed.
I nod, but even as I do, I feel like I just abandoned my girl.
* * *
I pulled out of the race and went home straight after the whole ordeal with Claudius. I grabbed a few bottles of whiskey, sat by the pool and downed them one at a time.
It took me awhile before I fell asleep. I don’t even remember when it happened. I just remember drifting into the nightmare world.
I’m there now in the thick gray haze.
Rich deep laughter makes me turn around and I see him.Jude.
It’s all the same. He looks the same as when I killed him. Same black biker jacket, same Levi’s, his black hair ruffled, and the bullet wound in his head.
We always aim for the head in situations of life or death. Shoot to kill.
He smiles at me and has that skeletal ghostly appearance.
“Hello brother,” he says. In my nightmares his voice always sounds hollow. Like it’s being carried away in the wind.
It’s worse when he laughs. It pierces my heart. always.
“Aren’t you going to answer me, little brother? Kid, that’s what they call you. as if you share the same blood.Fuckers.” He snarls.
