Page 43 of Double Edged Hearts
“You’re not real, this is just a dream,” I reply and he laughs louder.
“Call it whatever you want Alex. I’m still dead, asleep or awake. You still killed me.”
The scenery around us changes and I gasp when the fog clears and I’m surrounded by dead bodies. It’s all my friends dead. They’re lying all around me, their bodies riddled with bullets.
“You killed them too. For her…” Jude says but he’s gone. I can only hear his voice now.
Ahead there’s a woman standing on the hill with her hair flowing out into the wind. Her back is turned to me but I know it’s Cora. She turns to face me, looks to me and walks away.
Jude’s laughter sounds again. “She will never love you. She will never choose you,” he chants and as I turn back to look at him he pulls a gun on me.
He fires the bullet and I jump out of my sleep, out of the dream.
I pant and feel over my chest, still caught up in how real the dream felt. I look around me, at the water in the pool and the fan palm trees I have decorating the edges. Next to me are the empty bottles of whiskey I drank last night.
Fuck…I fell asleep outside. I can’t remember the last time I did that.
I straighten up and shake off the dream. I hate when I dream about Jude. Fuck do I ever hate it. I run a hand through my hair and over the stubble of my beard. Bad enough when he torments my waking thoughts. He always gets me in some way in my dreams though. It’s like my soul is chained in limbo trying to fight against the truth of what I did.
I can’t think about that now. I can’t think about things I can’t change. What I have to focus on is the present. Claudius is right about Cora. She made her choice and it wasn’t me. I have to cut the ties I have with her and release her from my heart.
It doesn’t mean my feelings will change but I can’t put people I care about in danger because I can’t let her go.
That’s it then.
It’s over.
It really is over.
* * *
“Man, you look like shit,” Donny says when he walks through the door.
“I agree with you.” I have two black eyes and bruises on my face. Claudius messed me up real good.
I couldn’t sleep. I had far too much shit on my mind.
“What the hell happened?”
“Run-in with Claudius. Matvey came last night and warned us to stay the fuck away,” I answer.
Donny looks surprised. “You’re fucking kidding me. Matvey was here?” he asks, motioning his finger around the garage.
“Yeah, live and in living color with his goons and guns.”
“Fuck.”
It was Donny who tracked Zack and took the pictures. Of all the work he’s done for me, he’s done his best on this job, but we have to stop now.
I agreed last night, but my decision today is firmer. It’s coming from a place where I know I have to make a choice.
“So, that means we stumbled over something that smoked Matvey out of his hiding place,” Donny states.
“Yes.” I agree although I know he wouldn’t have known what I found or what I gave Cora. Just that I went to her.
So, the only conclusion to come to is that Cora’s close to finding his ass and screwing with his plans. How ironic that she and her whole team are looking for him, and he was right in front of me last night. Right in my grasp.
“Something’s up, Alex. What should we do?”
