Page 24 of Double Edged Hearts
I shake my head and press my lips together. “Because my future can’t be with you.”
His eyes cloud with hurt. He comes closer, never taking his eyes off me, not even to blink, and stops a breath away.
“Why? Why can’t your future be with me, Cora?”
“I can’t live my life in the mob. I can’t put myself in danger the way my mother did.” Confessing my fear jabs a pin at my heart.
His brows draw together and he eyes me narrowly. “What are you talking about?”
“My… father was a gangster. … he killed my mother,” I answer and his eyes widen. It’s the first time I’ve said those words out loud. The last time they were spoken was four years ago when Richard told me.
“What are you saying Cora?” he asks in disbelief.
“My father… killed my mother.” I start to tremble and I have to press my feet into the deep fibers of the carpet to ground myself.
“You never told me that. I thought your parents were already dead when we got together. You said they died when you were fourteen.”
“They did, but I found outhowthey died four years ago,” I answer and realization fills his face. “Before that I thought it was one of my father’s enemies that got to them. It was Richard who told me the truth. My father killed my mother, then he killed himself after. It looked like they had an argument after she did something she wasn’t supposed to. It seemed it was an accident but still…”
Accident or not, there was a gun and Dad shot Mom. It doesn’t matter why or how it happened. The minute he took out his gun, it meant he intended to use it in some way. When Richard told me, I couldn’t believe it, and had the words been spoken by someone else, I would have refused to believe. Richard said there was evidence of a drug trafficking job my father wanted to do and Mom contacted the police.
The problem with being with a dangerous man is that they’re unpredictable. You never know what can happen or what will make them snap. I won’t live my life in fear of danger, or… the worry of Alex changing into some kind of monster.
What if we have kids? I won’t allow them to suffer the way I did. No parents, no family to turn to. Just my mother’s best friend. Richard didn’t have to take care of me, but he did.
When Richard found out I was seeing Alex he came to Chicago to get me. Essentially to break us up. The only thing that would make me listen to him was hearing a truth he never wanted to tell me. He didn’t want me to end up with a gangster and have the same life and death my mother had.
It was when I tried to defend my relationship that he opened my eyes. I couldn’t handle the truth. I was already grieving for the loss of my parents. Anyone who knows me knows I never speak about them more than the basics. I never even told Alex much about them. When they died my soul died too. When Richard told me what really happened it ripped me apart so I just left and went AWOL on everyone. That’s what happened to me.
“I’m sorry. I’m truly sorry that happened,” Alex says. “That’s… why you left.”
“Yes. It crushed me to hear such a thing and I couldn’t be around anybody.”
I can’t explain more than that. Richard told me what happened and my world crumbled around me. Everything I thought was the truth became a lie. I’d grown up watching my father take care of me and my mother. Hearing that he was the devil who took my mother away from me leaving me alone in the world to fend for myself sent me over the edge. The only thing I could do was leave, leave everybody and figure things out by myself and in my own time. I was also angry at Richard for keeping the truth from me for so long.
“Cora, do you think I would ever hurt you like that?”
“Nobody knows what can happen. There are many ways you can hurt me Alex. My father worked for every kind of criminal you could think of before he met my mother. He gave up that life when they got married but it followed them. We were always moving around to keep safe.” I pause to catch my breath. This is the most I’ve spoken about my family and my past to anyone. “You aren’t even looking to leave the business.”
“Is that what you want?”
I wince and shake my head. “No. I don’t want you to do that. It wouldn’t change anything if you did, anyway. Who you are is enough. You’re capo to a powerful boss. I know what that means. I know what it means for your life. I know who you are and what you are. It will always follow you no matter what you do. It’sdanger and death. I don’t want to live my life like that Alex. I don’t want a future like that.”
I don’t want to be like my mother.
His expression wavers, changing with realization. He knows I’m right. The reminder of danger and death seems to have been the trigger.
“Cora…”
“I love you,” I tell him and his eyes darken. My words are in complete confliction to everything I’ve said, but he needs to know that. It’s important to me. “I think I must have gone to our place because I wanted to see you one last time. My heart knew you’d find me. I guess I wanted to say goodbye properly and let you go.”
He presses his lips together, and his eyes fill with deep sadness, reflecting the desolation in my heart. He reaches out and touches my cheek. That warmth fills me, beckoning me to change my mind and give in to the temptation that always claims me when we’re together.
When he drops his hand, something leaves me. Something breaks inside me that feels wrong.
That something feels even worse when he walks away. He stops before he gets to the door though, and turns back to face me.
“I love you too,” he says, then he walks through the door, leaving me.
