Page 78 of Game of Love
She pressed her pretty pink lips together. “It’s part and parcel of the same thing.”
“How? How so?”
She held my gaze, eyes boring into mine with an intensity that showed fear. “You could leave… I’m always looking for you to leave, or for something to take you away from me. It could just be as simple as you deciding you don’t want to be with me anymore.”
“No… in case you didn’t notice Claire, I’m a little obsessed with you.” I gave her a warm smile trying to lighten the tension that had drifted in.
Her face brightened. “Me too Xander Cage. But on this occasion you could choose left even though I’m going right.” She nodded confirming she’d made her decision already. She had and was giving me the heads up and so much more.
“Does it matter? Does it matter what I choose?” We’d known each other for long enough for her to see the real question I was trying to ask.
In all the time we’d been seeing each other she’d never once told me the words I wanted to here. How she felt. What she felt.
“I love you.” She breathed and placed her hands at her cheeks the minute the words fell from her lips.
I stared at her wondering if I’d heard right. “What did you just say to me?”
“I love you Xander, and this is the first time in my life where it wouldn’t be right to influence your decision in any way.”
We’d agreed not to talk about anything until next week. What she didn’t know was it was on my mind every second of the day.
“I love you too.” That was the first time I’d said those words to anybody. It felt right. It felt real. It was and I loved how her eyes sparkled as I said it. She knew though. She knew I did. Now, however, was time to get serious. “What do you want me to choose?”
She shook her head. “I can’t say it. It’s not fair.”
“Say it.”
She thought for a moment then sighed. “Follow me. I want you to follow me Xander. I want you to follow me and I shouldn’t.” It was the most emotional she’d ever been with me. Despite her wigging out about me touching her hair she reached up and cupped my face. “I want you to follow me, but I want you to follow your heart. I think you’ll make captain, Lieutenant Cage, and you’ll be great.”
She pulled in a breath, dropped her hands to her sides and left me. She went back inside the house and I stared after her until the door closed.
I thought I’d make captain too and that I would be great.
Things however weren’t that simple.
Whenever I had big decisions to make I always thought back to the past.
It was habit that made me do it.
Compare all that had happened to me and then make a decision. I liked taking my time. I liked to stop and consider all options and avenues before I did anything. That was what I did for everything.
This was just the first time that it felt like it mattered.
I’d never had to think of my heart before. Mainly because I never thought I had to. It was stupid and maybe I’d had it easier when I was trying to deny my feelings for Claire. Easier, but definitely not better.
She would have it that I followed her everywhere. It wasn’t intentional. It just happened that way.
She’d decided she wanted to go to Stanford and I kicked my ass in gear to get the grades to get in because they had a great computer science degree. She decided she wanted to join the Marine Recon and I’d known from the day I signed up for Stanford that I was definitely going to join.
Why?
I blamed her father. He was the coolest person I’d ever met.
Her father, Jack Cougar was already a captain in the Marine Recons when he met me. He’d bounced from being that to something else we didn’t talk about and called it his classified work. It suited when we went off to college.
I admired him and wanted to follow in his footsteps the same way she had.
I had to admit though… my heart followed her. It was no bad thing that we were so similar. No bad thing at all.
