Page 3 of Sins or Secrets
“What do you think it’s going to be like?” His eyes flash with heat and the combination of the moonlight and porch light bathe him in a tawny glow.
“Me worrying myself day in and day out, not being able to focus on what I want.You know how hard it was to get into Juilliard.I don’t want to mess things up.I can’t sacrifice a great opportunity by making my life unstable.”
“Quinn, this is bullshit. You’re acting like you’ve suddenly realized I’m a marine.I’ve been one for two years. What the hell are you actually saying to me?Come on, stop fucking around and get to the point.This shit conversation is clearly going somewhere.”
I stare at him, willing the words to come to my mind and be as powerful as I need them to be.
“I can’t be with you,” I hear myself say and his eyes bulge.
Disbelief siphons the color from his face and even the air surrounding us feels different.It feels wrong.
As his head dips, I almost wish he could tell I'm lying.I would never say something like that and mean it.I’ve wanted to be with him for as long as I can remember.
We met when I was four and he was six.We’ve known each other forever.He knows me, and I almost wish that could be enough for him to know I’m lying.
His gaze climbs back up to meet mine, and he bites down hard on his back teeth.
“Is that how you really feel, Quinn?”
“Yes. That’s how I feel… I just think we got a little in over our heads and carried away.”
“I signed the lease on the apartment in New York before I even flew back home.That’s not getting carried away.I knew exactly what I was doing, but… I obviously got everything wrong.”
My God … he got the apartment.I feel even worse now. “I’m sorry.I’m so sorry. I just can’t be with you.It would be a mistake.” The words tumble from my lips in a useless babble of more lies.
“So when you said you loved me that was a mistake too?” His lowered brows intensify his sharp gaze and I don’t know if I can stand another second of this hell.
This is the final blow, though.It will be the thing that will sever the link.It will end us.
“I care about you, Logan.”
His jaw loosens. “Care?”
“Yes. I care. But I don’t think either of us was at the stage where we could think we were in love.”
Something sharp works its way through me and seizes my soul.Maybe it’s the universe’s way of punishing me for such a sinful lie.
That spark I’ve always witnessed in his eyes that seems to blaze only for me goes out as the words fall from my lips.
“I’m sorry, Logan. I’m so sorry.” He’s not answering.He’s just staring back at me with that soulless look.Like I just issued his death sentence.I feel like I just issued mine too.It’s time to seal the deal and leave.
“Quinn, we’re actually breaking up?”
“It’s for the best. There’s no point in pursuing something that has no hope.” We stare at each other then he blinks severaltimes.I need to go. The longer I stay here the worse I'llfeel.“My parents are going to L.A. tomorrow and I’m gonna go withthem.”
This moment I’ve been granted is mygoodbye.
“Tomorrow?” His deep baritone is barely above awhisper.
“Tomorrow. And I’ll be there permanently in betweencollege.”
“So this is it? You’re just going to leave townpermanently?”
“Yes.”
“My God Quinn. This is one hell of a bomb your dropping on me.”
“I should…get going.”
