Page 34 of A Joyful Ring
She didn’t want to spend her life living in the ugly town of Lovely, working at the boardinghouse, scrubbing chamber pots, and cooking meals for others. She wanted her own elegant home in a nice neighborhood, where her children would grow upknowing they had a warm, comfortable place to live, plenty of good food to eat, and never face the insecurities Risa had experienced after her mother and siblings had died.
It was as though losing them had left her father unmoored, and he’d dragged Risa from town to town and state to state, hoping to find what he’d lost.
There were times she’d gone hungry. Times she’d been so cold she just knew she’d die if she fell asleep. Times the heat had blistered her fair skin until she’d been in nearly unbearable pain. She’d never known from one day to the next where they’d be, if they’d have food for supper, or a dry place to sleep.
Although Lovely was the first place her father had stayed, Risa wasn’t certain when she set down roots that she wanted them to be here, and she wasn’t convinced setting them with Gunder was in her best interest.
Oh, she loved Gunder. Of that there wasn’t a single doubt. She loved him so completely and fiercely, she wanted to rip out every strand of Maybelle’s hair every time the girl so much as looked at him. It was only by a great deal of restraint and effort that Risa didn’t give in to the urge to turn into a fury-driven cavedweller and club the impertinent girl.
Mindful the primitive feelings were driven by jealousy, Risa also knew what she felt for Gunder was so much more than that. She loved him for his kindness and caring manner, for his wit and ability to make her laugh. For his strength and honesty and integrity. She also enjoyed that he made her feelprotected and cherished, appreciated and loved.
Gunder was everything she’d ever dreamed of finding in a man, yet something held her back from sharing that with him. That little voice in her head whisperingwaitwas still there, as insistent as ever that she not make any life-altering decisions.
It was going to be hard not to step forward with Gunder after he’d kissed her so thoroughly and completely. Kissed her until her bones felt as though they’d dissolved and chased every rational, sensible thought from her head.
Everything in her wanted to declare her love for Gunder and spend her life walking beside him, but she knew if she did that, she’d be giving up on her dreams for a home and security. Gunder worked at the mine. Lived in a tent. He was never going to have a surplus of funds. Not when he sent a portion of his earnings to his parents every month, which her father had mentioned in passing when he was listing all the reasons Gunder was such a fine young man.
No one could argue how fine he was, but it didn’t change the fact that he was poor, and marrying him would mean she would give up residing in a house, even if it were a shack, to live in a cold, blustery tent with a hundred other men around them.
“No. I can’t do it,” Risa said, unaware she’d voiced her thoughts aloud until Mrs. Baldwin placed a hand on her arm and offered her a concerned look.
“Can’t do what, Risa dear?”
Risa sighed. “I was just thinking thoughtsbetter left undisturbed.”
Mrs. Baldwin patted her arm a second time. “Perhaps they not only need to be disturbed but also discussed. You’ve not looked like your chipper self this morning. Did something happen?”
Risa shrugged and started to change the subject, but before she could stop them, words began to tumble out of her. “I saw Maybelle sashaying through town last night, which usually means she’s on her way to pester Gunder. I felt bad for him, so I followed her. Sure enough, she stopped outside his tent, hollering at him like a brazen hu…” Risa glanced at Mrs. Baldwin, who grinned.
“She is, indeed.”
Risa smiled and relaxed a little. “I don’t know what came over me, but when he came out of the tent looking like he wanted to run and hide, I had to do something. Then Maybelle insisted he join her for dinner. So, I walked over and told Maybelle he’d promised to help me with a problem with my well.”
“Did the well freeze?”
“No, there’s nothing wrong with it, but it was the only excuse I could think of to get him away from Maybelle. Gunder came back to the house with me and pulled out the bucket I threw in the well so we could say he did provide assistance in case a question arose. He stayed and helped me with the evening chores, and I invited him in for supper. As he was leaving, I went out to make sure the barn door was secure, and the most glorious moon rose over the hill. It was so big and bright, I could see everything clearly, especially Gunder. One momentwe were looking at the moon, and the next he was kissing me, and I kissed him back. It was the single most incredible experience of my entire life.”
Risa sighed, recalling exactly how much she’d enjoyed kissing Gunder.
Mrs. Baldwin’s eyes were bright with interest, and she took Risa’s hand in hers, giving it an encouraging squeeze. “I should say it was likely an incredible experience. Gunder Birke is one of the most handsome men I’ve ever seen. Why, Risa, have you not noticed he’s completely and thoroughly besotted with you?”
“If I had any doubts or questions, the kiss last night set them all at rest.”
“Then what is the problem?” Mrs. Baldwin asked, her thin brows furrowing nearly together as she looked at Risa in confusion.
“The problem is that I promised myself I’d marry a man who could provide well for me and any children we may have. Who could give me a home, not one as grand as this, but a good, solid home. Gunder lives in a tent at the mine. That’s not what I want for my future, or my children, should I be blessed with any. I want a home of my own. Lovely is the first place we’ve lived longer than a month since my mother and siblings passed away. Although I’m grateful for what we have, I can’t envision raising a family in the little shack where we live. Besides, Papa is quite smitten with Mrs. Franklin, and if I can prod him into marrying her, I can’t help but wonder if he’ll sell the place and expect me to move to Baker City with him.”
“I understand how … unsettling it would be to live such a nomadic life as you have, Risa, but you need to ask yourself if a fine house with a man you can tolerate is better than a humble home with the man you love.”
“I never said I love Gunder,” Risa said crisply, glaring at Mrs. Baldwin.
The woman smiled. “You didn’t have to. I can hear it in your voice every time you speak his name and see it in your eyes that you love him. Would you really cast aside his love for the hope of someday finding a man with enough wealth to promise you a future of financial security? You know, nothing in this world is secure, Risa. Fortunes are far easier to lose than they are to gain. Money isn’t a promise of security or happiness. Believe me, I know. I would trade living in your shack, or even Gunder’s tent, for all of this”—she waved her hand around them—“if I could have my beloved Wilbur back again, for even one day.”
Risa thought Mrs. Baldwin was teasing, but a glance at the earnest expression on the woman’s face made it clear she meant every word.
Even more confused and conflicted, Risa picked up a nutcracker and worked out her frustrations on the pile of walnuts.
As they cracked the nuts, Mrs. Baldwin spoke of the decorations she wanted to put up in the next few days, and Risa listened with interest. She couldn’t remember ever having a Christmas tree. When she was little, before her mother died, she recalled setting out stockings on Christmas Eve. On Christmas morning, each stocking would be filled with little gifts and treats for her and her siblings.Risa sometimes missed them all so much, she’d awaken with tears on her cheeks after dreaming about them. She supposed missing them would always be a part of her.
