Page 62 of Loving Lauren
“Also what?”
“I missed you. Every single day. And I hate that I missed you.”
Lauren’s eyes filled with tears. “I missed you, too. More than I thought was possible to miss another person.”
They stood there in the horrible space between wanting and not trusting, love and self-preservation.
“Maybe we could try starting over as friends?” Lauren’s voice was barely audible. “I want to prove to you that I can stay when things get hard.”
Sierra hesitated for a long moment, every self-protective instinct screaming warnings. “I don’t know if I can do this. Trust doesn’t just come back because you apologized.”
“I know. I wouldn’t expect anything from you. But maybe... maybe we could try? Just try?”
Sierra stared at them for what felt like forever. Finally, she gave one careful, reluctant nod. “Friends. That’s all. And if you disappear on me again—”
“I won’t. I swear to you, I won’t.”
Lauren’s smile was tentative, like they were afraid it might break something. “Well, as your friend, I have to point out that your cat still absolutely hates me.”
From his perch on the windowsill, Salem’s tail gave one particularly dramatic flick, as if he’d been listening to every word and found their entire conversation lacking.
Sierra let out a laugh that was more tears than humor. “He’ll come around eventually. Maybe.”
They ended up sitting on opposite ends of the couch, a careful distance between them. Two people who weren’t quite whole yet, weren’t entirely broken anymore either, trying to figure out if they could build something new from whatever pieces were left behind.
Chapter 38
The morning after Lauren came over, Sierra found herself curled up on her couch with Salem sprawled across her legs like the world’s most judgmental weighted blanket. Her thoughts had been spinning all night—anger, hope, terror, and love all crashing into each other like waves in a storm. One minute she felt like she could trust Lauren again, the next she wanted to scream at herself for being so stupid.
She’d barely slept. Every time she closed her eyes, she saw Lauren’s face when they’d almost left, heard their voice breaking when they said they missed her. But then she’d remember the six months of silence, the way her heart had shattered, and fury would rise up so fast it made her dizzy.
She grabbed her phone and typed into the group chat with shaking hands.
Sierra:Emergency friend council needed. Can we meet up? I need to talk through some stuff.
Thalia, Raven, Jett, and Calliope all responded within literal seconds. They agreed to meet at Bean & Bloom, which had been redecorated with mismatched vintage chairs. The plants had taken over the entire front window, but their lavender lattes were still to die for.
By the time Sierra arrived, they’d already claimed their usual corner booth and ordered her drink. But instead of the warm welcome she expected, there was tension in the air. Thalia’s smile was tight, Calliope’s arms were crossed, and even Jett looked wary.
Thalia scooted over to make room, but her hug felt protective rather than comforting. “Alright. Tell us everything. And don’t you dare sugarcoat it.”
Sierra took a shaky sip of her latte. “Lauren and I hashed it out last night. It was incredibly heavy. But we talked, really talked this time instead of hurting each other. They apologized for how they ended things. I got to say everything I’d been carrying around for months.”
“And how do you feel about the apology?” Raven asked, but there was an edge to her voice.
“It felt real. They explained where their head was at, and I think I understand the fear that made them run, but—”
“Love, are we just ignoring the fact that you were completely shattered? Like, couldn’t-function-for-weeks destroyed? And now they show up with an apology and suddenly we’re considering forgiveness?”
Sierra flinched. “I’m not.”
“Sierra.” Thalia’s voice was gentle but firm. “I saw what losing them did to you. I held you while you cried for months. So forgive me if I’m not ready to welcome them back with open arms just because they finally decided to apologize.”
“But you don’t understand,” Sierra’s voice cracked. “When I saw them yesterday, it all came flooding back. Not just the hurt,but everything good, too. And I—” She stopped, pressing her hands to her face. “I don’t know what I’m doing.”
Jett leaned forward, his usual playfulness replaced by fierce protectiveness. “Gorgeous, you’re feeling everything and thinking nothing. I get it, but last time your heart made the decisions? Six months of devastation.”
“What am I supposed to do?!” Sierra’s voice rose slightly, drawing glances from other customers. “Pretend I don’t still love them? Pretend seeing them didn’t turn my whole world upside down again?”
