Page 47 of Loving Lauren
Sierra’s smile faltered. “I would absolutely love that, but I’ve got family dinner tomorrow. I think I’m going to tell them I’m pansexual.”
There was a pause. Lauren’s expression softened with concern. “Is this because of me? Because of us?”
Sierra shook her head. “No. This is about me. I should’ve done this forever ago, honestly. I want them to know who I actually am. And maybe if they don’t completely freak out, then I can tell them about you.”
Lauren blinked a few times, visibly moved. “I’m so proud of you.”
“Hold on to that pasta idea for another night though, okay?”
Lauren smiled warmly. “It’s definitely a date.”
They made kissy faces at the phone screen like a couple of teenagers and said goodnight. After Sierra hung up, she just lay there in the dark with Salem rumbling like a tiny motor against her side. Her heart was racing, adrenaline keeping her awake. Tomorrow, she was really going to do this.
The next morning, Sierra was messing around with her camera stuff for like the millionth time when someone knocked. She opened the door to find Jett holding two coffees and wearing hiswe need to have a serious talkface.
Sierra opened the door. “Okay, what’s wrong?” Salem immediately wound around his legs in greeting.
“Is it that obvious?” Jett flopped onto her couch with a dramatic flair that didn’t quite mask his tension.
“You brought me the expensive coffee. You only do that when something’s eating at you.” Sierra settled beside him, tucking her legs under her. “Spill.”
Jett was quiet for a moment, absently scratching Salem’s ears. “My mom called last night. She’s been asking about my dating life again, wanting to know if I’ve met anyone special.”
“That’s good, right? She’s always been supportive of you being gay.”
“Yeah, she has been. She’s amazing about that part.” Jett’s smile was complicated. “But, Sierra... I haven’t told her about Ellis.”
Sierra’s eyebrows drew together. “Why not? You’re crazy about him. You light up every time someone mentions his name.”
“Because Ellis is white.” The words came out flat, matter-of-fact. “And my mom has very strong feelings about her Black son dating white men.”
Understanding dawned. Sierra reached over and squeezed his hand. “Oh, Jett.”
“She’s got this whole thing about how white men fetishize Black bodies, how they’ll never truly understand our experience, how they’ll leave when things get real.” Jett’s voice was gettingsmaller. “And I get it, I do. She’s seen what happened to her friends, to our family. But Ellis isn’t like that. He’s not some tourist in my life.”
“Have you tried talking to her about him specifically? Not as ‘some white guy’ but as Ellis?”
Jett shook his head. “You don’t understand. My mom grew up in the Dominican Republic. She’s seen what happens when white men treat Black and Brown women like experiments. She moved here to give me better opportunities, and in her mind, dating a white guy is asking to be someone’s learning experience. I’m scared, Sierra. What if I tell her how happy he makes me, and she can’t see past his skin color? What if I have to choose between my family and the person I love?”
Sierra felt her chest tighten with recognition. “I know that fear. I’ve been carrying it around for months.”
“With Lauren? But your parents seem like they’re trying to understand.”
“That’s it, though; my parents haven’t seen it. They don’t even know they exist. I keep making excuses, pushing it off, terrified they’ll look at me differently. I haven’t even told them I’m pansexual yet. Terrified they’ll think this is a phase or that I’m throwing away my chance at a ‘normal’ life. You know how they are. Dad still thinks living together before marriage is scandalous, and Mom keeps asking when I’m going to settle down with ‘a nice boy’ and give them grandchildren the proper way.”
They sat in comfortable silence for a moment, both lost in their respective worries.
Jett squeezed her hand. “Your parents might surprise you and be more accepting than you think. My mom definitely loves me, but I know exactly what her reaction will be.”
“But what if you’re mistaken? What if you tell her about Ellis and she sees how good he is for you?”
Jett gave her a look. “What if you tell your parents about Lauren and they see how happy you are?”
Sierra laughed despite everything. “God, we’re a mess, aren’t we? Both of us hiding the most important parts of our lives because we’re scared.”
“Maybe that’s exactly why we need to stop hiding.” Jett shifted to face her fully. “Listen, babe, I can’t promise my mom will come around to Ellis. But I can’t keep pretending he doesn’t exist just because it’s easier. And you... Sierra, you’re glowing when you talk about Lauren. Your parents would have to be blind not to see that.”
“You think we should do it? Both of us?”
