Page 52 of After the Fire
“I don’t know.”I’m confused.“Maybe it’s too soon?”It’s definitely too soon. And what would your grandmother say? This is unbecoming for someone like me.
“Please, you deserve it. And who says it’s too soon? It’s not like you’re marrying the man. Just enjoy yourself.”
I sighed. “I don’t know, Cata, it just feels so different.”
“So? Different is good.”
Another sigh, this time more dramatic. Everything was easy here. Everyone was happy. “Everyone is so happy here. It’s a little intoxicating at times, almostunbelievable, you know?” I tilted my head and looked straight to the screen, where Catalina was scrunching her nose in response. I blinked. “What?”
“That’s how it’s supposed to feel,” she said. “When people have your back, when someone loves you. It’s easy. Yes, life is hard and all that, but honestly…” She winced. “You need closure. Close that terrible chapter and then move the fuck on. You deserve this.”
I looked at her intently through the screen. Maybe she had a point.
“Stop,” she said abruptly. “I can hear you thinking all the way from here. Don’t think too much, Victoria. You think too much, all the time. And look where that got you? Speak to Manuel and be done with him. Move. The. Fuck. On.”
“Fine, but don’t be so curt about it.” I smiled. “Jesus, you are relentless.”
“I already told you, I’m living vicariously through you. I’m so excited about this that I have butterflies in my stomach.” She sighed theatrically. “I love this.”
“Have you heard from Susana?” She’d been on my mind since Catalina told me all the details of the case. I was avoiding her at all costs, now more than ever, but I was stalling because I knew that the conversation I needed to have with her was bigger than what I could offer right now. “She’s been radio silent.”
“I haven’t actually, which is weird because she was all over us right after you left.” She looked behind the screen, her eyes fixed on something above my head. “Are you going to talk to her?”
“I know I have to, but it’s making me anxious. It’ll dampen the mood for sure.”
“Yeah, sorry, friend.” She squirmed in her seat, her eyes still fixed somewhere else. “Anyway, gotta run, I’ll talk to you soon. Call Manuel.Beso.”
She was right. I did need closure. Because I couldn’t make a new plan—if I ever did need one—if I didn’t close the chapters that came before this one. Ticking the boxes off my to-do list, if you will. But I was so over it all. I was ready to move on. Go back to the city and get back to my life. Because for sure this wasn’t what I wanted long term, was it? I didn’t even know what Santiago wanted. What he was looking for.
I sat down on the table in my room and opened up my computer. My mind was gravitating towards work, my distraction when I needed moments of clarity. Instead, I propped my phone on the screen and called Manuel, setting the call on speakerphone. It rang a few times and when I was about to give up, he picked up. He was out of breath, but he answered with what sounded like a smile on his face.
“You are a little shit, you know that?” I said as soon as I heard him speak. I was glad about the fact that this was, in fact, a regular call and he couldn’t see my face. Because I couldn’t explain the anger that was radiating from every pore. “How much of a fucking coward do you have to be that you send a picture to me instead of talking it out like a normal person?”
He was speechless. I could hear music in the background and a few inaudible voices around him. “I don’t even know what’s wrong with me. I’m smarter than this,” I continued. “It never occurred to me to check your work phone number. Why would I? I trusted you entirely. So much so that I was going to fucking marry you.”
“Why are you being like this?” he said finally. I kept silent, waiting for him to explain himself instead of blaming this on me. “I don’t even recognize you anymore.”
“Anymore? Manuel, you hardly know me.” I was enraged. I had wasted so much time with him, thinking he was my future, my all. “You’re starting to sound like Susana. And I would say the same to you. I don’t recognize this. Why did you do this to me? The least you could have done is respected me a little to tell me what was going on.”
Would I have pleaded? Begged? Probably. Begged him to stay with me and marry me, for the sake of what? Of appearances? Of Susana’s wishes?
“Yeah? And what would you have done, Victoria? Would you have said ‘oh, okay, that’s fine, let’s not get married then?’” He was mocking me. This was something he did when we fought. “Please, you have been obsessed with the idea of marriage since the day I met you.That grandmother of yours really filled your brain up.”
“What the fuck, Manuel? At least own up to your mistake. Don’t put this on me.”
“Okay, you want to hear the truth? I’ll tell you the truth.” He took a deep breath and released it. “I was never interested in this. I wanted to travel the world; you know that. But my parents, much like your grandmother, had a different idea. They pushed, and I pushed back until I couldn’t anymore. You were my out. But you are so fucking obsessed with your grandmother and doing right by her and being close to them that you wouldn’t even entertain the idea of going on adventures. And guess what? It was exhausting. Living with you and trying to be something I’m not. I got tired, and this was my way out.
“What would you have said if I told you that I got the job in Australia? Would you have moved with me? Of course not! You wouldn’t even consider the idea of going on an extended honeymoo—”
“I have a job! You have a job too!”
“You work for your fucking family, Victoria! Of course Pedro would say yes to you. He has been saying yes to the women in your family for decades. Do you think he would have cared? You just said it; you are smarter than this. And to be honest, you’re too smart for me.”
“I agree,” I said out of spite. The things he was saying were not foreign to me. Yes, I had wanted to be close to my family because they were my all. But maybe, maybe? Maybe if he had given me a reason, I would have taken it. “Manuel.” I sighed. “Whatever. I called you because I needed the closure, but I realize this was a mistake. Everything was a mistake, and although this was not the way I would have done it, I’m glad I dodged this bullet. Tell your parents what you did. Susana already knows, so it better come from you.”
I blinked a few times. “Have a good life. I hope you are happy.”
Because I was working hard to be happy too.
