Page 23 of After the Fire
* * *
Of course we were at his clearing. It was dark out, the night warm. I wondered how many times this man had been here because he guided me through the dark and knew every single dip and turn of the way.
“There was one summer I came here almost every night,” he said, like he was reading my mind.Did I say that out loud?“You did say that out loud.”
I felt myself blush, something that hadn’t happened to me since my early teens. This man was confusing me, making mefeel.I was suddenly thankful for the darkness.
“I had a lot on my mind right after finishing high school and before I moved to the city, and I couldn’t sleep. So I just sat on this bench for hours until my eyelids felt heavy.”
“What was on your mind?” It was only fair he share his mind with me, given that I had really blabbed—a lot—earlier.
“I just… I wasn’t sure that moving was the right choice for me. As you can see, our family is really close-knit. And, you know, at eighteen, I thought I had the world at my fingertips, but really it was just so much.” He sighed. “It worked out, I guess.”
I couldn’t read his expression in the dark, but his voice sounded rough, heavy. Like something was really weighing on him. He had a smile on his face, but it was sad, almost pained.
“Did I ever tell you that I almost didn’t show up for our first day? I think it was, like, History 101 or something like that in that giant lecture room at the end of the hallway, and it was raining, and I just wanted to go home so bad. I never felt more defeated or like a child that day. I hated, hated college.”
I turned to face him, confusion all over my face. “What are you talking about? You were born for this.”
“Exactly,” he huffed. “You’re not the only one that’s weighed by their choices, I guess. I don’t enjoy it, but I do it anyway. I feel useful being a lawyer, helping others. Although I’m not sure if this is what I would have chosen for myself.”
Back in college, Santiago moved comfortably, like a fish in water. He was always so thoughtful about anything and everything. I would have never guessed his chosen career was something he wasn’t passionate about.
“Why do you do it then?” I asked. “It seems to me that your family would support you no matter what, right?” And that was the biggest contrast with my family—Susana would shun me, I guessed, if I ever went against her wishes. Or maybe not explicit wishes butsuggestions.Becoming a lawyer, getting married, working for my family’s firm. That was my given path, and I was supposed to take it.
“I don’t know. It’s not that easy. I guess I just got dragged into it, and now it might be too late to switch careers.”
“Santiago, I—”
“Vee, what do you want to do about this picture you mentioned? We can go to my grandparents and ask them about it. I know some people in the municipality that maybe can help us with some of the town records. See if we can figure this out.”
“You know, I’m just so confused about this whole thing. Because I’m sure it’s my grandfather, but what does that mean? I think eventually my grandmother gave up looking for him, but should I get my hopes up that he’s still alive?I wouldn’t even know where to start. If heisalive, where? And what happened? And how do I even approach it? I’m terrified of calling Susana and asking her, of even mentioning this to her. From what I know, it was such a painful time for her and my father and his sisters. Like, is it even worth it to try to find some answers?”
“In the time that I’ve known you, I’ve never seen you shy away from a challenge. Why now?”
The night was getting colder, but the silence was a welcome sound. Santiago sat there, with his head tilted up to the sky, giving me the space I needed to think. So far, he had shown so much respect to me, something that I wasn’t used to. This was a new Santiago—friendly and warm and welcoming. His embrace lingered on my skin, my arms still tingling from the moment we’d shared at my hotel room hours earlier.
The sky was littered with sparkling stars. The dark blue, almost black background made the white lights shine. I couldn’t remember the last time I saw such a bright sky, even in the dead of night. Maybe this town was, in fact, heaven on earth, instead of my personal hell. And I just needed to change my outlook.
“Okay, let’s go to your grandparents’.”
13
THE BACKGROUND
The next fewdays went by in a blur. My phone was still off, but my brain wasn’t. Santiago had called me a few times directly to my room phone to tell me that he made an appointment with the clerk at the records office, so we were set to go see them that afternoon. I had tried (but failed) to find any information relating to my grandfather on the internet. He disappeared in the eighties, so of course there wasn’t any information online, but it was surprising to me that there weren’t even mentions of him in articles anywhere.
The son of a well-known businessman in the country had also been kidnapped, and even thirty years later, there were articles about that online. If my grandfather was the man Susana told me he was, why wasn’t there any information about him?
I was still lounging in my pajamas when there was a knock at the door. I knew it was him because he was the only person I had any contact with here, with the exception of his sister and those at the hotel that served my meals or cleaned my room.
So I made my way to the door and opened it. His permanent smile was plastered on, and his hair was tousled, like he had nervously run his fingers through it all morning long.
“Oh, wait, it’s noon already?” I asked nonchalantly.
“No, sorry, I just couldn’t wait. Want to get an early lunch?”
“Um, alright, give me a minute.”
