Page 79 of Fight or Flight
“Really?”
“Why is that so hard to believe?”
“Because you hate me?”
“No, I don’t.”
“Yes, you do,” he insists.
“No, I don’t,” I repeat. “I never have.”
“But then why…”
“Why do we butt heads so much and why do I annoy the fuck out of you?”
“Yeah.”
“Because it’s fun.”
He tosses me a flat look. “And because I let you?”
“Exactly. Now you’re getting it. And it’s fine if you think you hate me. I’m very used to that, but truthfully, I don’t hate anyone.”
“How is that even possible? How can you not hate anyone?”
“I just don’t.”
“And what if someone betrays you or does something unforgivable?”
“Then I deal with them in whatever way I need to, then I forget they exist and move on.”
“Bullshit.”
“Not bullshit. In order to hate someone, I’d have to care about them and their opinions, and I don’t. Hate me, loathe me, dislike me, none of that matters because they don’t matter.”
“So you’re saying you don’t give a shit what I think of you because I don’t matter, but at the same time you expect me to believe that you trust me?”
“I never said anything about you,” I tell him. “I was talking about people whoactuallyhate and loathe and dislike me. You just think you do because it’s easier than admitting that I confuse the fuck out of you and that maybe all that rage you keep directing at me is a way for you to cover that up.”
“So now you know what I’m thinking and feeling?”
“Am I wrong?”
“So wrong.”
“Okay, if you say so.”
He tosses me an annoyed look. “Has anyone ever told you how arrogant you are?”
“Constantly, but is it arrogance if it’s true?”
He rolls his eyes again. “So fucking arrogant.”
“Are you still nervous?” I ask as we cut across the quad of one of the academic buildings.
“No, now I’m just annoyed.”
“Good, now find a way to channel that annoyance into awareness, and you’ll be just fine.”
